Fallen angel

46.Myers-Present

I feel nothing. Blood is splattered on my face, not my blood.

Driton's. My father's.

I should feel happy that the boogeyman is finally gone but do the demons ever leave?

He still had his victory. I was an innocent girl who was described with a heart of gold and now i'm called 'The fallen Angel" ever since. The girl who used to have the heart of an angel but now it's filled with demons

I couldn't have a childhood because either i got involved or not in the family business, it wouldn't have made a difference. I still would have hands drenched in blood.

But now, knowing that he's gone and he can't hurt me anymore, why do i feel an ache in my soul?

He did love me, in his own twisted way but his hate towards our mother, was bigger than his love for me and Dorian.

The radio is on. I turned it on because music cures the soul.

Family Line by Conan Gray plays

What an irony. Tears stream down my face.

Why does it hurt so badly? I'm not anymore the little girl who was scared to sleep without her brother, cause she was scared he would be taken by him.

But it still fucking hurts. Like a lump is in my throat and it can't be swallowed.

I wanted to drive alone. Only for this reason.

I can't be vulnerable. I just can't

Instead of going to Delcour, i take the highway that leads to New York.

My phone rings and i see it's Dorian

"Nina, why are you going to New York?"

"I need to blow off some steam." i say bluntly

"What?" he yells "You get the fuck back right now!"

"Why?"

"Every time you you need to blow some steam it's either the Arena or racing and they are both too dangerous for you, in your mental condition right now."

I see behind the car and see Dorian's car and Madden's car following me.

I hang up and speed up, passing 3 cars at the same time.

Madden's number rings but i don't answer and put the phone on silent.

Keeping the high speed, and thank god there's no traffic, i arrive in New York in about 30 minutes, right in front of the Arena.

Going inside, i ask the "matchmaker" to assign me an immediate match.

As our name holds the power here, he doesn't even take 2 minutes to find me a match

Now the traffic is heavier so they won't be able to come here for about an hour.

I go to the lockers, taking a quick shower. My stitches hurt but that's what i need. Pain

I put on a sports bra and some sweatshorts

Any physical pain is better than what i'm feeling. Numb

My head is a big mess. I can't feel  anything. Even when i feel, it's a blinding pain in my heart.

Why couldn't he just stay dead? Why did he have to make me experience this all over again?

I was just starting to heal. Why did he have to ruin years of therapy and self work?

Why

Why

Why

I slam the back of my head over and over on the locker and tears finally burst free with a blinding chest pain.

I cant- I can't breathe

I start gasping, struggling to breathe

With my back on the lockers, i sink to the ground

If i can only make it to the cage, then this would be replaced by physical pain and it wouldn't be this bad.

Maybe my pain would stop forever. I just want to rest.

My sobs echo the place as a door opens

"Get out" i yell

"Nina" i hear Dorian's voice and loud footsteps, five shadows before me

"Shit" two people sink on their knees and hold me in place

I can make out Madden and Dorian holding me

"Go get some medicine. This panic attack can't be stopped without medication."

I hear loud footsteps leaving and coming back in a minute.

My sobs and gasps echo the place  and i hate myself for being this vulnerable

Madden's face which usually cold, right now looks in pain.

"Here, Bae. Drink this." I hear Estella's voice as she slips a pill inside my mouth and gives me water to drink while caressing my head, like a sister or a mother.
The pill's effects start immediately, my breath slowing down and i get a bit sleepy.

"I'm taking her with me" Madden announces

"No fucking way am i letting her out of my sight right now." Dorian says

"Neither of you are taking her because i am." Estella announces

"Who the fuck is asking you?" Madden says with a voice that would have made me step away.

But Estella doesn't back away "Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that?"

"Her boyfriend"

"And i'm her best friend who's known her since we were 7. The last thing she need right now is some dick who thinks he's all that. " She looks at Dorian "Go. Rest. You are as mentally stable as her, right now. Rest your mind. She's with me."

Dorian's face softens a bit and you could tell he was tired.

She tries to get to me but Madden catches her arm "I said no."

"Take your fucking hands off her" a i make out Teo's silhouette , and a very angry face but she signals him to stop

"Do whatever you like, Mori. I'm taking her with me because the last thing she needs is more men on her sight. The man who was supposed to protect her, hurt her more than anyone else and i'm not going to trust another man with her" Es says with her eyes full with tears of rage. For me.

Es and I have always had a deep connection. Like a best friend.

Like a sister.

Madden lets go of her arm and Estella struggles but lifts me up "Cmon bae, lets go."