Growing up

Gabby

(2 weeks later)
*Alex POV*
I wake up with a head ache so I go to the medicine cabinet and get two ibuprofen. I go downstairs and sit next to Chad on the couch.
"Hey bubby" I say
"Hey sis. What do you want to do today" he asks
"I don't care" I say
"Ok how about we join the guys at Caleb's for a Mario kart tournament." He suggests
"Ok. Let me go get changed. Can we stop somewhere and get breakfast" I say
"Sure why not" he says
I race upstairs and get dressed then head back downstairs.
"Ready" Chad asks
"Yep" I say
We head out and stop to get some breakfast then we stop at Starbucks. We get to Caleb's and go inside.
"Hey Cabey" I say
"Hey kid and don't call me that" he says
"Ok well we're here so I can cream you in Mario Kart" I say
"Whatever. Lets just play" Caleb says
"I want the green controller" Chad, Joey, and me say
Chad and I attack Joey and wrestle him for it.
"Woah woah woah. Hold it. Settle down. No squishing Joey" Alan says
Chad and I get off of Joey and give him the green controller.
"Why Alex you are so much like Chad" Joey says
"I find that hurtful and maybe offensive. I am nothing like that dork" I say
"Wow I live you too sis" Chad says
"Yup I know you do. That's why I said that" I say
"Yeah yeah yeah. Lets just play" he says
We play until there's only two. Caleb and me. We choose the easiest course and we start. I throw some turtle shells and he does the same. The only thing is that he dodged half. I dodged all of them. At the final second I hit him with a turtle shell and I cross.
"Ha I beat you" I say
"Alex come here" Caleb says
"No" I say and run out the door
"Alexandra Marie Graham! get back here now" Caleb shouts
"Never! Caleb Andrew Grimm!" I shout back
I run faster and end up going back to his house. I run in and sit next to Chad and cling to him.
"Hey sis what's wrong" he asks
"Caleb is going to kill me" I say out of breath
"No he won't. He has to go through me first" he says
"Thanks bubby" I say
"No problem. Anything for my favorite sister" he says
When he says that that makes me think of my older sister who committed suicide. We haven't talked about it in awhile. When ever someone brings up siblings I always think about how I have a great sibling and had a terrible one. I'm cut off of my thoughts.
"Alex are you ok" Chad asks
"Yeah" I say
"Are you thinking about Gabby" he asks
I just nod and burst into tears.
"Why don't we go home and talk about this" he says
I nod and we stand up and leave. We get back home and go up to my room. I lay my head on his chest and listen to the his steady breath.
"Alex are you ok" Chad asks
"I guess. It's just that we haven't talked about Gabby in so long and when you said favorite sister everything fled back into my memory" I say
"Do you still think it's your fault" he asks
"A little" I say
"It isn't your fault. If anything it's her friends' fault" he says
"How can you say that? it is my fault. I never protected her. I saw her getting hurt and I never helped or told anyone. I thought that if I told someone she would get mad at me and our sister bond would terminate" I say
"This isn't your fault. She chose to let things bother her. She chose to not let God control her life. It's not your fault." He says
"Yes it is Chad. You just don't understand. This is my fault" I scream and run out of the house.
*Chad POV*
This isn't her fault. I wish she could understand this. I send a group message.
Ch- Alex ran away from
The house when I was trying to tell her something wasn't her fault. What do I do?
A-look for her. We could all split up
Ch-that's nice of you to offer but I need to do this alone. I will search for her
J-chad don't you think she'll just run farther
Ch-I don't know but it's worth a shot. If she does I'll tell you guys that you can help
C-don't pressure her to talk or think that it's not her fault. You need to progress slowly
Ch-ok thanks for helping
I out my phone away and head out the door. I start running and looking everywhere. I look for an hour and can't find her. I start thinking of where she could be. My thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing.
Ch-hey Caleb
C-hey. Alex is at my house. She ran here and she fell asleep. I can bring her home when she wakes up or I can try and talk with her
Ch-whatever you want to do is fine with me. I might not be home
C-ok
I hang up and go to a park. I lay down under a tree and look at the clouds. After about an hour I drift off to sleep.
*Caleb POV*
I'm sitting in the living room watching full house when Alex comes in the door.
"Hey Alex what's wrong" I ask as if I know nothing
"Nothing really. Chad is just frustrating me and I don't know what to do" she says with a yawn
"Why don't you go to the spare bedroom and sleep. You seem tired" I say
"Ok" she says
I play some Mario kart and she comes down three hours later. She sits next to me on the couch.
"Hey Alex" I say kissing her forehead
"Hey Caleb" she says
"Did you sleep well" I ask
"Yeah" she mumbles
"What's wrong" I ask
"Chad is trying to tell me that Gabby's death isn't my fault but I know it is" she says
"Why do you think it's your fault" I ask
"Because before she died she said 2 words to me." She says
"What were the two words" I ask
"Your fault" she says
"Was there anyone else there" I ask
"No it was just me. I witnessed her kill herself. I didn't stop her or tell someone. I guess that's why she says it's my fault" she says
"You were only 8 when it happened. You probably didn't know what she was going to do." I say
"Caleb I guess you're right. I just can't stop thinking that its my fault. Every time someone brings up questions about sisters or siblings I can't get her out of my mind and replay what happened" she cries
"Alex nothing our sister did was your fault. It was her choice. She could do asked for help. She could of told a teacher or parent about the threats" I say
"Wait how did you know about the threats" she asks
"You know the night she died and you came to my house? you brought her journal with you. When you fell asleep I read it. I gave it to Chad and he read it. Both of us know its not your fault. It's now your turn to open your eyes and ask God to help you realize that too" I say
"Ok. Thanks Caleb" she says
"Why don't we go and get milkshakes from chick fil a" I say
"Ok" she says
"Kels Alex and I are doing to Chick fil a!" I shout
"Alright" she shouts back
We head out. As I'm driving I realize that Chad is probably somewhere thinking that he messed up big time. I pull over to the side of the road so I can call Alan.
"What are you doing Caleb" Alex asks
"I'm calling Alan" I say
I go outside and call Alan.
A-hey Caleb
C-hey. So I have Grace. She came to my house and I talked with her but you might want to talk with Chad. He said he might not be home if I took Alex home and worried that he messed up big time
A-ok. I'll go talk with him. He is probably at the park and could of fallen asleep by now
I hang up and get back in. I continue to drive to our destination. We get there and go inside.
*Alan POV*
I get in my car and drive to Chad's favorite park. I go over and find him asleep under a tree. I sit down next to him. A little later he wakes up.
"Hey Chad" I say
"Hey" he mumbles
"What's bothering you" I ask
"Nothing" he says
"Don't say that. I know something is bothering you" I say
"Fine. I'm just worried that's all" he says
"About what" I ask
"Alex. My parents died. Gabby killed herself. I'm worried about what is going to happen to her. I can't lose my last family member." He says
"Chad you won't lose her. She doesn't think it's her fault really anymore. Caleb talked with her. He explained it to her" I say
"How is it that you two are better with my sister than I am with her? I'm her own brother" he says
"That's the thing Chad you're her brother. We're her brother figures. She feels as if when she tells you you might disapprove her or disown her." I say
"Ok. But I wouldn't do those things." He says
"I know but since the Gabby incident she hasn't been herself. Witnessing it was the scariest thing. She doesn't trust her siblings that much now" I say
"How so you know she isn't herself" he asks
"I observe her. Compare now to then" i say
"Ok" he says
"Well I'm going to leave want to come over and watch a few movies to get your mind off of things" I ask
"Sure why not" he says
"We get in my car and head to my house. We go inside and start watching movies.
*Alex POV*
"Caleb I need to talk to Chad" I say
"Ok. I'll take you to Alan's" he says
We get in his car and drive to Alan's. We head inside. I see chad sitting on the couch. I run over to him and attack him in a hug.
"Hey sis" he says
"Hey bubby" I say
"You okay" he asks
"Can we talk" I ask
"Sure. We can go upstairs." He say
We go upstairs and sit at the top.
"What up" Chad asks
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ran. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you. I'm sorry Chad. I'm sorry" I cry
"Alex. It's okay. Please don't cry" he says
"No Chad it's not okay. Before Gabby died she told me it was my fault. I never told this to anyone but Caleb and you. She was getting threatened to leave her family. Told Taft none of us loved her. When I read this I realized that the person was right I never truly loved her. We would hang out once in awhile but other than that you and our parents were the ones who truly loved her" I say
"Alex there's something I need to tell you. When Gabby died I found this list and it had names and things written down. She knew she was going to die soon so she wrote a 'will'. She did love you. Your name was written more than anyone else's. I never gave you the stuff because I wanted to wait for the right moment and I think now would me the time." He says
"Ok. Where's the stuff?" I ask
"Well I had Joey put the stuff somewhere" he says
"Well lets go find Joey" I say
We head downstairs.
"Is everything ok" Alan asks
"Yep. Thanks Caleb. Bye Alan" I say
"See ya guys" Chad says
We head out the door and walk to Joey's. We get there and go in. Joey is watching the little mermaid.
"Hey Joe" I say
"Hey guys. What are you two doing here" he asks
"I came for the stuff" Chad says
"Ok wait right here" Joey says running upstairs.
Moments later he comes down with a box. He hands it to Chad who hands it to me. Chad and I leave and we head home. We get home and I open the box. The first thing I pull out is a book. It's the book my sister got for her twelfth birthday. Next I pull out her hat that she got from my grandma before our grandma died. Then I pull out some shirts and sweatshirts of hers that I always liked. Next I pull out a Toby Mac cd that I got her for Christmas one year. Then a locket.
"Chad isn't this the locket you gave her for her birthday. Two says before she died" I ask
"Yeah. Open it up" he say
I open it up and see a picture of all three of us. Finally I pull out the purity ring my parents gave Gabby. Chad takes it out of my hand and puts it on my finger.
"Chad it isn't mine" I say
"Yes it is. Gabby gave it to you." He says
I give him a big hug.
"I love you Chad" I say giving him a kiss on the cheek
"I love you to Alex. Why don't we go get some lunch" he says
"Ok" I say
We head out to Cracker Barrel and sit down to eat.
"Chad I want to talk to you about something" I say
"Ok what is it" he says
"After Gabby died some of her friends would write notes and give them to me. They would say things like 'Gabby died because you made her.' And 'no body loves you. Go die in a hole' they would send multiple ones. I created a drawer of the notes and I would reread them. Over and over again. I started to feel like I wasn't worth anything. I finally made a small cut on my wrist. When I did I realized that I'm with more than gold and I shouldn't hurt myself" I say
"Alex why didn't you tell anyone about this" he asks
"I was afraid that people would judge or disown me" I say
"Alex, I would never leave you. Promise me if anything like this ever happens again you'll tell me" he says
"Yeah I promise" I say
"Hey chin up. I'm going to protect you" he says
"I know. I love you bubby" I say
"You to sis" he says
We finish eating and head home.
"Want to watch some movies" Chad asks
"Sure" I say
We watch some movies and eat some dinner. By the sixth movie I start to get tired. I lay my head on his chest and fall asleep. I feel someone pick me up. I open my eyes slightly and see Chad.
"Go back to sleep Alex. It's alright I got you" he whispers
"I love you" I whisper back
He lays me in my be and kisses my forehead.
"Sleep well sis" he says
"You to bub" I say
I drift off to sleep.