lie; kv

Chapter fourteen.

Jeongguk stirred awake, nausea hitting his stomach the second he opened his eyes. He pushed himself up and rubbed his eyes, they then fell onto the empty bed beside him.

Taehyung stepped into the room shortly after and awkwardly looked at the boy, "I have therapy today, so I have to leave now. You can leave whenever, but my parents are supposed to come back today."

"Okay." Jeongguk answered. He would've offered to come with the boy and hang out, but after last night he didn't want to see Taehyung. Especially now that he was having doubts about their problems, he felt too guilty to see him.

Taehyung was the same way. He felt like he couldn't face Jeongguk out of frustration because now it was even more clear that people were hiding something from him. Especially his own best friend, and that hurt more as Jeongguk was the only one who he felt so safe with.

It took around 30 minutes for Taehyung to arrive at the clinic and to check in, the wait was another 30 minutes which was always his least favourite thing. He never knew what would happen during the sessions, and now he had a new worry to share to the neuropsychologist.

Taehyung pulled out his trembling hand from his pocket and chewed on his lip. He tried his best to stop it, but nothing could prevent the unwanted movement.

"Kim Taehyung?" A woman called out for him. Taehyung stood up and made his way into the office, hiding his hand inside of his pocket again. "How have you been?"

"Okay." Taehyung answered and sat down in a chair positioned in front of the woman.

"Is there anything you'd like to mention before we start going over things?"

"Um," Taehyung took out his hand again, "I've had this for a few days now."

The woman stared at his hand and hummed, loading up a tab on her laptop as she did so, "That can be explained by any brain damage, which you know, you have from the accident. I'll order a brain scan which will help us see what area is causing this unwanted muscle movement."

"Okay." Taehyung answered and nervously played around with his jeans, "Will I ever get my memory back? Or go back to who I was?"

"Your memories are gone due to brain damage, not because of emotional reasons — so they aren't repressed and hidden somewhere in your brain. Some may return because the brain is good at regaining function, but that doesn't mean every single memory you have will come back."

Taehyung listened, but he couldn't understand most of the words the woman was speaking, "Can I do anything to bring them back?"

"Sometimes if you're in the same state as the memory you'll remember it, but that's not always the case. I highly doubt you'll regain every memory." She pursed her lips together, feeling guilty for saying that but she didn't have much of a choice.

"And, my old self won't come back?" Taehyung asked knowing that everyone around him was used to that, "Can't I just become that person again? Through therapy?"

"What's your life like?" The woman asked, staring at Taehyung who looked back at her confused.

"It's pretty average. I hangout with friends and stuff, I have a nice best friend too. I don't really know what else," He answered, fidgeting with his fingers.

"What about before the accident?"

Taehyung scrunched his features hard, trying to recall as much as he could be only remembered such little detail. Nothing was enough to tell him who he was and what was his life was like before the accident.

"I don't know." He answered, chewing on his lip after.

"If you don't know what were like in the past, how can you retrieve it? It's possible to regain some behaviour by repeating it, but that's if you know the behaviour." She began to explain and pulled up another brain scan, "Your prefrontal cortex was permanently damaged, which is the area that controls your personality. Your personality can shape because of your environment, but that doesn't mean you'll get your old one back."