lie; kv

Chapter fifteen.

Jeongguk pressed his finger against the doorbell, staring at it blankly while waiting for it to swing open. He knew it wouldn't, the excitement people had when they saw him had died down and now two dead eyes would meet whenever it opened.

"Oh, hey," Namjoon smiled at the boy, masking how he had forgotten he had even agreed to meet Jeongguk.

"Hey." Jeongguk mumbled and stepped inside, noticing how the boys shared apartment was a mess like always. It was crazy how things were still the same around him, but his life felt so much more different since Taehyung came back.

"What did you want to talk about?" Namjoon shut the door behind him and walked beside the other to the messy living room. He picked up the crisp packets on the couch and chucked them onto the table before sitting down.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk answered monotonously and seated himself on the other side, crossing his legs once he did so.

Namjoon raised an eyebrow and propped up a muscular arm on the backrest, "Why? Did anything new happen?"

"No, he still doesn't remember anything," Jeongguk chewed on his bottom lip and sighed, "I was over at his house a few times, and I found his journal he used to always write in when we first became friends."

"Yeah?"

"And, he wrote a lot about the situation. Actually, after reading everything I don't think he had a car accident," Jeongguk's voice began to grow heavy which made Namjoon worriedly scoot over.

"What? What do you mean?" He asked, ready to comfort Jeongguk who had a look of guilt.

"Since the day everything started, he wrote a lot of sad things, he wrote about how he hated everyone and how he wished I'd believe him. Towards the day of his accident he started writing really dark stuff, like about suicide. The last thing he wrote was about how he's going to end it all."

Namjoon frowned, pulling Jeongguk into a hug when he saw tears falling but the other pushed him away.

"Jeon, it's okay let me-"

"No, no it's not fair. I shouldn't be the one here being hugged and shit when he went through more than me, he was the one who had no one so I don't want what he deserves. I don't deserve any of this," Jeongguk wiped his face even though it became wet again.

"I know, but you went through a lot too. You tried to believe him, but with the evidence you had- I don't blame you for giving in. It wasn't easy when your parents kept pushing it onto you and started the lawsuit even though you were against it, and it's harder when they won't let you drop out of university."

"But I am still the biggest reason this all happened. I was still a dickhead to him, and during his last moment I acted so-" Jeongguk's breath stopped, all he could imagine was that the last thing Taehyung had on his mind was Jeongguk's horrible behaviour.

"You weren't the only one-"

"But I was still one of them, and I don't know what to do. I won't be able to make it up to him because he doesn't even remember. It really hurts seeing him struggle knowing I was the reason behind it all." Jeongguk sobbed, flinching when Namjoon held onto his wrist and pulled him close again.

"Just treat him like you wish you could've, he'll still like it because you're his best friend now and at least it'll give you some peace. Maybe when the times right and things have calmed down, you can tell him the truth." Namjoon caressed the boys back that trembled with sobs.

"But don't you think he deserves to know now?"

"No. He deserves to know, but not now. He is still recovering and struggling to get used to everything, you two are still tense even if he doesn't notice it. So, if you dump this past onto him on top of all of this, who knows how he'll react?"