Castles in the Sky

˙⋆ I Wish We Were Strangers (explicit) ⋆˙

i wish we were strangers.

when we first started dating, i was head over heels. i fell so fucking hard, and so fucking fast. i didn't know that it was possible to feel the things i felt when i was with you. being with you felt like the closest i could get to heaven on earth. i fit in your arms like they were made just for me. and for a while i thought they were. 

i wish we were strangers.

the first time we fought, i was so sure we could get through anything. i thought love was enough. i thought i could try enough and that would be enough. i thought that with enough compromise we could figure anything out. but then i realized what i couldn't compromise. not even for you. not even for the man i thought i would marry. not even for the boy who showed me what it felt like to fall in love for the first time.

i wish we were strangers.

i wish time could have stood still so we could run through starlight and kiss under the moon and let go for a moment in time. i wish that we could have made it work.

but becoming strangers wouldn't fix this.

i want to believe that someday we can become perfect for each other. but every part of my screams that we were just wrong time, wrong person. but it was a beautiful wrong time, wrong person. we weren't meant to last, but oh, what a beautiful tragedy we were. and i know that when the pain fades and the tears cease...i'll look back and know that the love we shared was worth every second.

right now, it's hard to breathe. it's hard to focus on anything except how much i miss you. it's hard to check my phone and know that there won't be a text from the person i wish would text me the most.

my heart knew that it was over a long time before my head could catch up. and even now, i can't believe it's over. every time i slow down and allow myself to feel, i find myself wishing that this is just one of my nightmares that i'll wake up from. i want to text you that i had a bad dream and have you tell me how much you love me and that we're okay.

but that isn't going to happen...not this time.

this time is real. this time is concrete in ways i never imagined would happen to me. this time it was a choice between you and God and i never wanted to choose between you two because i love you both.

i loved you for almost two years. and i truly believed that at the end of it all, we would find a way to make it.

i know that God has a plan. He has never failed me before, but i just wish that His plan included a future us.

i know that we did the right thing. but i can't help second guessing myself because it just hurts so bad.