"I love you, which is why I needed to write this.
Please don't hate me."
Those were the words
I wrote as a preface
To the letter I wrote
Because I couldn't talk to you
Face-to-face.
Those were the words
Of a girl who just wanted you to love her
And understand her heart.
Those were the words
I typed with shaking hands
And tears in my eyes
Because I didn't know if you'd get it—
If you'd finally understand
Or simply walk away.
I think that's what I could never communicate
With enough emphasis,
With enough clarity:
You terrified me.
Our relationship terrified me.
I was so afraid of what you'd say,
Of what you'd think
That I so often said nothing.
All I wanted was for you to see me and choose to stay anyway.
I needed to know that when you inevitably saw me at my worst—
When my anxiety took over and turned me into something horrid,
Something wretched,
Something monstrous—
That you would choose me even then.
That you wouldn't turn and run the other way.
That you wouldn't look at me like the monster I tried to hide from you for so long.
That you would still see the true me,
Even when that girl was hidden underneath a wolf's face
With fangs dripping in venom and blood.
YOU ARE READING
Castles in the Sky
PoetryThis poetry and short prose collection is for the shadow girls: the girls who feel like a husk of their former selves; who dream of better days and brighter skies; who wonder if their shadows will ever truly fade with time. Content Warnings: Anxiety...
