Castles in the Sky

˙⋆ If You Were The Villain (explicit) ⋆˙

You really fucked me up.

Even eighteen months later.

I hate who you made me:

This girl with edges so sharp

She cuts herself routinely.

A girl with shards for arms

That stab everyone she loves.

I hate who I am because of you.

This girl so afraid of getting hurt again

That she suddenly doesn't know how to let people in.

This girl so angry that she hates herself

For thinking of you again and again and again.

I hate what I've become in your absence.

A girl with unreconciled damage

And scrawls that solve nothing.

I hate that you could be happy.

I hate that I hope I haunt your memories,

Your dreams,

Your favorite places.

I hate that you took my glass heart

And returned it in stone.

I hate how much I miss that glass heart.

The one with smooth glossy rounded corners

That didn't know how fragile it was

Until it lay shattered on the ground

From where you dropped it

And walked away.

I hate that my mind rewrites our story

With you as the villain

Because it makes the end of us so much easier.

I hate that you weren't the villain,

Not really.

But I can never think of you any other way.

I hate that I want you to be the villain

Because then it wasn't my fault,

It wasn't because I failed,

It wasn't because I'm not good enough,

It wasn't because I fucked up.

If I can make you the villain,

Then I don't have to fix myself.

If I can prove that it was you all along,

Then I don't have to admit that I'm not perfect.

If you were the villain,

Then I was only the girl who fell for the wrong boy.

If you're the villain then I never have to admit

That I've become one, too.