I Forgive You

Chapter Seven

Emotions are happening.

To quote Neil: I only apologise for things I'm sorry for having done.
Yall are welcome to screech at me in the comments!

Tiny reference to "Electric Touch" by Taylor Swift ft. Fall Out Boy (TV, From the Vault)

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"Because I love you!"

There it was, finally.

Hanging in the room.

Hovering in the air between them.

Grand. Terrifying. Beautiful.

"I love you, Crowley", Aziraphale said, like the breath of relief it was. "Of course I do."

A smile spread on his face despite the tears in his eyes, and all he could think as he looked back into the demon's stunned face was how he could ever have doubted the magnitude of his feelings for that magnificent creature before him.

"However could I not?", he spoke the thought aloud. "I love you deeply, insistently. You are my dearest friend, and the pleasure of your company and friendship has been my most treasured possession for the longest time."

And the thing was, Aziraphale had never actually dared to hope Crowley might return his affection. Not because he was under the conceited misconception that demons couldn't love - oh no, he knew Crowley better than that. It was simply that in Aziraphale's eyes, Crowley had absolutely no reason to love him, of all people.

For what would someone like Crowley ever see in someone like him?

Crowley was gorgeous, stylish and kept up with the times, rolling his eyes at Aziraphale's dusty books and antiquated phone and insistence on his run-down out-of-fashion clothing. But even more, he was courageous, bold, brilliantly creative and endlessly fascinating. He had created stars and come up with clever plans to navigate around Hell's rules. Crowley was extraordinary in every sense of the word and Aziraphale...Aziraphale had never known how to keep up with any of that.

Of course Crowley didn't love him. He was just a silly old-fashioned angel that hoarded books and kept tediously fussing over antiquated comforts he clung to, an angel who was far too weak (and soft) and scared and had spent the better part of his long life pushing the one thing away that had only ever been good for him, good to him.

Crowley could have his pick of anyone he wanted, and he simply couldn't allow himself to even entertain the idea that he might be what Crowley wanted.

Not until that fateful day.

"And then...when you- when you kissed me, I..."

Aziraphale released a shaky breath, his hand coming up to touch his lips as he'd done back then, recalling the phantom touch of the demon's against them.

"Oh, Crowley, I had dreamed of that moment for longer than I can recall. But I was misguided. I thought you were- "Aziraphale swallowed hard, pressing his eyes closed for a second. "T-tempting me", he pressed out, the word burning with shame in his throat.

It was like this beautiful thing I had been dreaming of had been turned into a weapon against me and I couldn't-

"I couldn't help but feel like you were using it to make me stay when I believed Heaven needed me and- then I said those...awful words to you, and I know I cannot take them back, but you must know that it nearly broke me to part from you like that."

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Crowley felt sick as he heard Aziraphale utter that word.

The angel had really thought he'd take this beautiful thing he had been dreaming of for so long and use it as a temptation against him? Nothing but a wicked strategy to force him to break his promise to Heaven?