I Forgive You

Chapter Fifteen

WARNING that from this chapter on, terminology for Crowley's genitals may come up that due to society's applied definition is often associated with being "female" (like clit, cunt, folds etc.) - even though I believe it's been established in the fic that my version of Crowley is fluid in his presentation without it affecting his self-perceived identity whatsoever, I just wanted to make clear again that any terminology used is not in any way supposed to carry gender connotations, it's a simple means to describe Crowley's current anatomy. Still, I wanted to mention it beforehand in case anyone reading is sensitive to words carrying that sort of association and would rather avoid it.

That out of the way, enjoy some more talking, some more sexy times, and...some MORE talking, because it's my fic and you know how it goes by now xD

~oOo~oOo~oOo~

I gave it away.

The words hit Crowley like a ton of bricks.

Those words. Those fucking words that had haunted him, had stayed with him since-

"Fucking-" He cursed under his breath. "Hell, angel. You can't just say shit like that."

Was Aziraphale even aware that he'd just turned Crowley's entire world upside down with those four little words?

"You do know 's what you said about your sword, right?", it tumbled out of him, words frantic and rushed like the heartbeat in his chest. "Those exact words. Remember it like fucking yesterday."

And he did. He remembered the breeze on his scales and the earth under his belly as he slithered up to the wall, and the angel standing there, the way the sunlight hit the angel's hair and made the soft white-blonde locks glow even more beautifully than a halo could.

"Remember seeing you for the first time, up there on the wall", Crowley said, the memory playing in front of his inner eye, spilling from his lips to paint the picture for Aziraphale. "Stood there in your perfectly white robes and those fluffy white wings, so fucking pretty. And you were up there on that wall, first angel I'd seen since-"

Since I fell. You were the first and most beautiful thing I'd seen since I fell.

"And I figured, just go, worst thing that can happen is that he banishes you back to Hell. But you didn't. You talked to me, told me about how you were worried about that stupid sword of yours, and you were kind and conflicted and beautiful- and then you said you'd given it away, against orders, because you were just so kind, same way you talked to me cause you were kind, and I just-"

He just...knew. When he first met the angel, he knew in a moment that he would have to spend the next few days rearranging his mind so there would be room for Aziraphale to stay. And he had lived there since, in that spacious room in Crowley's head, safe and sound and sheltered away from Hell's prying eyes, and even Aziraphale's own.

"I just knew", Crowley said out loud. "Knew right then and there that you were different, and special, and that I wouldn't forget about you for years to come and when you put up your wing against the rain and...and-"

Crowley trailed off, emerging from his memories like from a dream, and he realized Aziraphale was staring at him with parted lips and wide shiny eyes, like Crowley had just unravelled the most beautiful wonder of the universe to him, and damn, maybe he had revealed quite a bit more there than he'd meant to and-

"Shit." Crowley bit his lip, rubbing his neck as he felt his cheeks heating up. "I just meant that you weren't what I'd expected, and I didn't even know yet I'd be stationed down here with you, 's not why I approached you, I just wanted to, because- wait. W-Why am I rambling, why don't you stop me?"