Drop Dead Gorgeous

Apologies and Randy Clarke

Skulduggery continued to ignore Valkyrie all week, and she was starting to get sick of him giving her the cold shoulder. Ambry had said to give him time, but when she said that, Valkyrie thought she'd meant a few days, or a few hours, not a week! Asaria still wasn't talking to her, the same as all the Dead Men and the girls. The only person who seemed to get her situation, was Ambry, seeing as it was her brother who was upset. Valkyrie stopped as she saw Skulduggery up ahead, his back turned to her. She started cautiously towards him, keeping to the wall. He must have sensed her presence, because he turned, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise, and Valkyrie stopped. She saw him start to breath quickly, and he turned and ran down the hall. Valkyrie didn't think, she just ran after him, running down the stairs, chasing him. Skulduggery Pleasant was running? Of course he was, he thought she was a psychopathic maniac who was going to kill him. Valkyrie didn't care what he thought, she just wanted to make things right. She sprinted after him through the corridors, and turned left as he changed direction quickly. She stopped when she saw him run into the bathroom. Shit. Valkyrie jogged to the door, not wanting to go in.
"Skulduggery!" She called. No answer. She pounded on the door.
"Please! I need to talk to you! Stop avoiding me! It hurts me!"
"Go away!" Came his voice from inside.
"Not until you come out and talk with me."
"Why would I want to talk to someone who is going to kill me?"
"I'm not going to kill you! I just want to talk!"
No answer.
"Please," she begged. "If you don't come out I'm coming in."
"You can't. It's the boy's bathroom."
"I really don't give a shit," she said, bursting through the doors. She looked around. Good. No other people were in here. One of the cubical doors was closed.
"I know you're in there. You can't avoid me forever," she said, leaning against the door.
"I can if I try hard enough."
"Please. I'm begging you, please just talk to me. I can explain what's really going on. Please? It's not my fault." She said. No answer.
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" She screamed. She heard movement.
"Please Skulduggery. You're hurting me."
Just then the cubicle door burst open, making Valkyrie jump back in shock. Skulduggery stood there, his chocolate hair brushed and his emerald green eyes full of anger and hurt.
"And you don't think you are hurting me?!" He exclaimed.
"I'm sorry!" She yelled.
"Sorry for keeping a massive secret from me? Sorry for breaking my heart! And you're saying that it's not your fault! You are such a hypocrite!"
Valkyrie was almost crying.
"I said that it wasn't my fault! You have to believe me! Please Skulduggery! Just let me explain!"
She saw his face physically soften. She sighed in relief.
"Fine," he said. "Explain yourself. What is this? Who are you? What's going on?"
"This is.......uh. It's hard to explain. This is Herman Grave's plan okay? This is his murderous plan to get revenge on the future Skulduggery Pleasant."
"What sort of revenge?"
"Revenge on the Skeleton Detective who accused him of treason and threw him in prison under false allegations. Hardly believable."
"Wait! The 'Skeleton Detective'? Who the hell is that?"
"It's um.... You, in the future."
"Oh yeah, I'm a skeleton."
"And you're okay with that?"
"I don't know. It's a lot to take in."
"I guess so."
"What's Herman Grave's plan?"
"It was for me to tell you everything, which I've already done..."
Skulduggery stiffened.
"So that a paradox has been created, and you will not exist in the future."
"Wait! I won't exist!"
"No," Valkyrie sobbed. Skulduggery looked like he was going to break down, but he contained himself.
"So...... What about you? Who are you?"
"I'm Valkyrie Cain. Partner of the great skeleton detective and Skulduggery Pleasant's combat accessory."
"What does that mean? What's going on?"
"It means that I'm your partner in crime. Your a skeleton, my mentor, and my best friend. I never wanted to tell you anything because I knew of the risks. But if I didn't, he would've killed you, and I would never have gotten home."
"But you have told me everything, and you're still not gone."
"That's because Grave double crossed me. He said that I had to live through the pain of knowing that you hated me, then he'd send me home in the next week, but it's been a week, and he still hadn't shown up. Somehow I don't think I'm getting home."
That's when Valkyrie broke down, crying and sobbing on her knees, her hands covering her face. Skulduggery just stood there, not knowing what to do. He wanted to comfort her, but at the same time he was wary, not wanting to get too close in case he.....died. Then he had a brainwave. A glorious, marvellous, life saving brainwave.
"Valkyrie," he said excitedly. She must have noticed his chance in tone, because she raised her head and looked quizzically at him.
"I know how to help you get home, and how to erase the paradoxes."
Valkyrie face lit up, and she jumped to her feet.
"How?" She asked eagerly.
"There's an old sorcerer who lives in Roarhaven. Randy Clarke. He might be able to help us."
"Help us? How?" She asked.
"He's a time traveller, and there's legends going around that he can undo paradoxes. As far as legends are concerned, you and me both know that most of them are true."
"Yeah, like the Sceptre of the Ancients."
"Exactly."
"So when are we going to see him?"
Skulduggery smiled. "Tonight."

Valkyrie was so excited she could hardly breathe. Sure enough her time in the 1600's had been fun, she was eager to resume her normal life in the 21st Century. She collected her black clothes, and hurried out into the darkness. It was a little past ten o'clock, and Valkyrie was keen to get to Roarhaven and meet Randy Clarke. She could possibly get home tonight!

She walked through the woods with Skulduggery.
"I thought you said he lived in Roarhaven," she said.
"Yes he does. Just not the town part of it," Skulduggery answered, slowing down. Valkyrie could see a small cottage at the edge of the woods, isolated in the middle of nowhere.
"How do you know about this place?" She asked.
"When you've lived here as long as I have, you learn different things here and there."
Valkyrie nodded and followed him as he walked confidently towards the house.
"Have you been here before?" She asked.
"No, I haven't."
"Why are you so confident then?"
"I try not to show weakness. It's not healthy."
He knocked loudly three times, and the door creaked open, but no one was standing there. They looked at each other, frowning. Then he stepped inside, Valkyrie following close behind.
"Hello?" Skulduggery called, his voice echoing through the cottage.
"Enter," another voice boomed, making Valkyrie jump. It had come from the side room. Skulduggery went to the door and gently pulled it open, revealing a large room with bookcases on every wall. There was a desk in the middle, and a big chair was facing away from them. Valkyrie stood next to Skulduggery as somebody spoke.
"Who are you? Why have you come to my dwelling?"
Valkyrie paused, letting Skulduggery talk.
"Excuse as sir. My name is Skulduggery Pleasant, and I have with me Valkyrie Cain." He said loudly. The chair spun around quickly.
"Skulduggery Pleasant. Henry's boy," an old man with grey hair and a long beard said. His eyes were as grey as his beard, and his nose shorty and pointy. Valkyrie liked him immediately, just because of his appearance.
"That's right," Skulduggery replied. Then the man turned to her.
"Valkyrie Cain. Interesting name. An a pretty one you are too. Tell me, why have you come?"
"We need your help," Valkyrie replied.
"Ha! Of course, I should have known."
"You're Randy Clarke. You can undo paradoxes?" Valkyrie asked.
"That I can," Randy answered.
"We have a situation."
"As everybody who comes here does."
"I've created a paradox, and we need you to undo it and send me home."
"Home?" Randy asked.
"To the 21st Century."
Randy almost choked.
"The 21st Century?"
"That's right sir."
"You're from the 21st Century? How? How did you get here?"
"A time traveller, Herman Grave, he sent me back in time."
"Don't believe I've heard of him."
"He sent me back here to create a paradox because he wanted revenge. Now I need you to undo it and send me home, back to the future."
"I guess I can do that. But you'll need to be brave."
"Do whatever it takes to get me home."
Randy stood up from his chair, and walked over to her, taking her hands in his.
"I'm undoing the paradoxes," he explained. She felt waves of something that she couldn't name rolling through her body. She felt, content. She closed her eyes and sighed. It felt good to be set free from all the regret.
"There, that should do it," Randy sighed, letting go of Valkyrie's arms and walking back to his seat.
"That's it?" Valkyrie asked, surprised.
"You will be shunted back home in ten minutes," Randy said.
"How.....but you didn't know the whole story!"
"I'm a powerful sorcerer child, I know things."
Valkyrie remembered her good friend, Saracen Rue. That was his catch phrase. I know things.
"Ten minutes! I'm going home in ten minutes!" She exclaimed.
"All paradoxes have been erased, you will return to your time frame as normal, and nothing will be different."
"Oh thank you so much!" Valkyrie exclaimed, turning to Skulduggery.
"I'm going home!"
"Don't get too excited about it," a voice from behind her said. A very familiar voice. Valkyrie's eyes went as wide as dinner plates, and her heart sunk.
"No....." She whispered. She heard a beady laugh, and Skulduggery dropped to the floor, groaning in pain.