Fuzhu's Ballad

5

CHAPTER 5 As fair as a rose, as serene as the moon

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That night, Lan Dan slept soundly. She felt so comfortable and at ease that it made her feel disappointed in herself.

To be a sinner also required a resolute mindset. Despite her intense self-hatred and regret for the past, she was unable to reject the comforts offered to her. After all, she was merely a feeble and mediocre person, who lacked the ability to be harsh on herself. How would she face those people who were killed because of her?

She was disappointed in herself for a while before slowly opening her eyes, adjusting to the gentle light in the room, and not moving. The past eighteen years rushed in her mind.

If she didn’t have such a character, how could she have smoothly passed the years in the imperial palace?

She had suffered a lot of grievances and bitterness, but there was nothing she could do. She could only fall asleep full of resentment and bitterness, telling herself that it would be better tomorrow, that things would pass, and she would forget as long as she endured.

Her mother passed away early. Since then, she was fostered under the care of the unfavored Concubine Lin, who also passed away within a few years. What other options did she have besides learning to forget and endure? She was too weak and too ordinary, and had no strength at all.

She had never ridden a sedan chair in the palace. She always had to look up to greet Lan Huang who sat high on the chair. Not only to Lan Huang but also to Lan Cheng, Lan Zi, and those favored sisters-in-law. The palace was said to be governed by the most distinct hierarchy and strict laws, but the truth was, imperial favors far outstripped ranks and moral standards. She was a Royal Princess, yet her treatment varied greatly just because she was unfavored.

As she grew up, the only gift she received that exceeded beyond regulation was the red crystal necklace that her Father Emperor gave her on her fifteenth birthday. Other than that, she had nothing, not even the privilege of being closer to her Father Emperor or Mother Empress during audience or banquets. But even if she did get closer, what difference would it make? Among her sisters, who were all beautiful, talented, and eloquent, she remained unknown and insignificant.

This was how she grew up, hence she found it difficult to grow a sharp and forceful personality.

At one point, she didn’t think that there was anything wrong with being meek and insipid. The palace was a den full of intrigues. Wasn’t it better to settle down with mediocrity rather than be dead in case the schemes employed turned out to be counterproductive?

Lan Zi was a living example.

Back when Lan Zi’s mother was favored and granted the title of Noble Consort, Lan Zi became haughty, her actions seemed to compete with Lan Huang for favor. When Father Emperor rewarded Lan Huang with Chiyue buckskin, Lan Zi pestered Father Emperor for a Taxue horse. Eventually, the Empress and Lan Huang reached the end of their patience. Lan Zi was decreed to go to Beimo to get married. The Noble Consort and Lan Zi panicked. Even after crying and begging for a long time, not only was Father Emperor completely unmoved but even his usual indulgence vanished. Lan Zi had no choice but to marry far away with tears in her eyes. She died in a remote and barbaric country within two years.

When Beimo sent people over to seek marriage alliance, everyone said that the Emperor would choose Princess Danyang. After all, Danyang was the least favored, so the Emperor would feel the least distressed when his daughter married in such a place. Unexpectedly, it became Lan Zi’s tragedy.

While Lan Dan was secretly grateful, she was even more convinced that she was right to exercise patience and submissiveness, instead of intentionally harming her enemy.