UNDER HIS INFLUENCE

chapter 30

Kayla

Bondage.

I had never for once imagined that I would be in this position. I had never for once imagined that I would enjoy it.

But that didn't take away the pain I felt knowing I was losing myself each passing day. And that, I didn't enjoy.

I had been scared at first. I didn't know what was going on, I wasn't comfortable. My limbs were in an immovable position and I didn't like it one bit. But when he lowered his lips onto mine, I knew I was secure, however threatening and wrong everything felt.

Now, lets play, baby girl. He had said, with a very knowing grin on his face. It was very clear that wasn't a safe look.

Your safe word is ICE. If you feel uncomfortable at any time just say ice and I will stop. He said and I knew there was no going back. Nevertheless, I nodded my head. He smiled and walked back to the creepy wall and picked out what looked like a whip. I stiffened a bit but his gentle kiss on my forehead calmed my nerves.

Am going to hit you, it will burn a bit but you will feel more pleasure than pain. Remember your safe word?

Ice.

Good.

Whack. The leather hit my skin, the burning sensation reaching the spot, only to disappear and replaced with pleasure. It felt good.

He hit me again, moans leaving my mouth rather than the tears I had expected.

He did it a few more times, lash marks on different parts of my skin. I liked them, a bit more than I should have. The feeling was euphoric.

He threw the whip to the floor, the leather hitting the floor a little loudly. He was panting, and it was at this point that I saw he was not the same Ian he always was. This was another person, a monster in fact. I was beginning to rethink everything. His eyes were a deep shade of pink, his veins much more pronounced, the heaving of his chest uneven.

His pants fell onto the floor, his briefs following shortly after. I had been with him a couple of times but had never gotten used to his size, thick and long. In simple words ginormous. His hands traced my skin ever so slowly, a shiver running through my body. He pulled my legs up, the chains on my hands biting into my skin.

Without any warning, my panties were ripped off, my heat fully exposed.

Before I even expected it, he pushed himself fully into me. The loudest cries filling the room. I had never for once imagined this amount of pain. He begun moving harshly in and out of me, his hand holding firmly onto my neck. Just when I thought I had seen it all, he turned my body around so that I was lying on my stomach. He raised me a bit so I was on my fours.

Another harsh thrust. He rode deep and harsh as he pulled at my hair. A lot of things were going through my head, the pain and pleasure balancing out making me confused about whether I should hate or love him.

His thrusts quickened at the same time I felt my release build up. I felt my heartbeat increase and my walls clench around his length. Our rugged breathing filling the room as we both reached our climax and collapsed onto the bed.

He kissed my shoulder and set my limbs free.

Fresh tears rolled down my eyes, as I contemplated everything that had happened.

"Do you love me, Ian?"I asked him.

"Huh? "he said and I figured he hadn't heard.

"Do you love me?" I repeated, and I felt him stiffen behind me. His hand left my waist.

That was more than enough for me, but I gave him a chance to talk.

"Why are you asking me this, Kay?"

"I just want to know what place I hold in your life."

"We already talked about this, lets not talk about this now."

I rose up and pulled the sheets to cover my body. I looked at him but he was clearly not interested in looking at me.

"Look at me, Ian. "

He did.

"Can we not do this right now, Kayla?"

"No, Ian. Let us finish this now." My voice broke as my sobs filled the room.

"I can't be your whore anymore. I thought you would feel something for me, but you clearly dont. I have sacrificed a lot, my dignity, my morals, my body, hoping that you could love me. I am sorry but I cant do this anymore."

"If I knew you would do this I wouldn't have started anything with you, I thought you understood that I only fuck, I dont love. I dont do relationships." His words, they hurt more than anything else I had been through.

"Why the fuck would you say that, Ian? "

"Well, you said we could talk. "

"And that is all you could think of saying?"

"What did you want me to say? If I said I love you, I would be fucking lying."

"Wow! "

I rose up, and begun putting my clothes on. My tears rushing out of my eyes. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"So thats it? You dont like that we fuck?"

"No, Ian. And the fact that you could ask me that, speaks volumes." I looked at him in disbelief, clearly surprised he would say something so heartless.

"Why?"

"In case you didn't realize, Ian. I am not a fucking whore. I have fucking morals."

"You mean the ones you didn't think about when I was fucking you? "He chuckled and I felt disgust run through me.

"When did you become like this?" I saw him stiffen his stupid smirk leave his face for a brief moment.

"I have always been like this, Kayla. It is you who thought I was different, you painted a perfect picture of me in your head and that led you into my arms. And to think you thought I would love you is comical."

He didn't leave a chance to trash me. And he looked like he enjoyed doing it. To think that I loved this monster messed up my mind.

"Do you know what I regret most about everything? It is the fact that I fell for you in the worst ways possible. I guess that is the punishment I get for everything."I said and walked out of the room with the last bit of dignity I had left.

And now as I looked at the scars in the mirror, fresh tears rolled down my face, tears I had thought had gotten done because I had spent the past week crying alone in my apartment.

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