UNDER HIS INFLUENCE

Chapter 34

KAYLA
Kayla

Shock!!Utter shock.
That's what I felt when my eyes landed on the one person I least expected to see, here.

Atleast that is one thing I was sure I felt when I saw him after all this time.

I had last met him a year back, and our encounter surely wasn't the best and seeing him here was something I never expected.

I could not bring myself to look up into his eyes even when I felt his gaze piercing sharply into my skin, I could not bring myself to smile back at him even when I met his warm smile.

He was still the same as before, handsome, nothing had changed about him at all.

I had really not expected to see Eliott again, especially not here in New York and in similar circumstances like the ones I had met him last time.

The meeting begun shortly after, with the company sealing a deal with Eliott just like last time. It felt like déjà vu.

"Miss Matthews. What a pleasant surprise!!" He said to me as we walked out of the conference room after the meeting.

"A surprise indeed.How have you been Mr. Smith?" I said, a small smile bracing my lips as we spoke.

"Oh, like always. How come you are here, in New York?"

"I work here,sir."

"You know you don't have to be so formal with me, Kayla." He whispered to me as he lightly laughed.

"Oh look who is talking, you are the one calling me Miss Matthews." I said, my voice laced with laughter.

"Well, allow me to take you out for dinner then,Miss Matthews, at least we could catch up or something."

I was hesitant at first but I decided to hell with that.

"Only if you call me, Kayla."

" Alright then, Kayla. Text me your address, I will pick you up at 8." He said as he handed me his business card, a gentle smile bracing his lips once again.

And with that, he walked away leaving me smiling sheepishly on my own until I heard an excited squeal that I knew all too well.

"You need to stop eavesdropping Rachel." I said, as my only friend at this office emerged from the shadows.

"Oh come on K. You know I would never do that. So tell me, who is that hottie that just asked you out?"She said, her eyes glistening with excitement as she jumped up and down like a kid.

"I will tell you only if u stop behaving like a kid, Rech."

"Can't promise anything,K. But I make you tell me, either way."

She said and laughed as we made our way out of the office after the long day.
 
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Two weeks. That's how long we had been going out. Two weeks since I had considered going out with Eliott.
Two weeks where I had been treated right, just like I had always wished Ian would have.

We had gone out to the movies, both in the theatres and the drive-in theaters, a date I had always wished for. He had taken me to dinner a couple of times, gone out for a stroll and even had our first kiss at the Lightscape in the Botanical gardens.

It had been a good two weeks,but I knew deep down it's not him I wanted.

I had tried as much I could to convince myself to try it out with him, but it all seemed forced, it didn't feel right.

He had also felt it, one time when we were out for dinner and he had decided to tell me.

"Kay, I can see you are trying, but I know it is not me you want. Trust me I have been in that state before. I want you to know that what I feel for you is true, and I will be here whenever you are ready." He had said at the end of the conversation and I felt so bad,like I had betrayed him once again.

It wasn't right that I still felt something for him when I was with Eliott.

Eliott was everything I had wanted. Kind, caring, handsome,tall and everything. And yet he wasn't the one I wanted.

I wanted him to be someone else, someone I was better off without, someone who would never love me.
And yet I still wanted him.

When Eliott had kissed me, I had wanted him to be someone else, I wanted his kiss to be hard and wanting instead of gentle and sweet, I wanted his touch to be electric and not a smooth caress, I wanted his eyes to be wild and lustful and not warm and cozy.

I wanted him to be Ian. And I felt so ashamed to want him even after what he had put me through.

I wanted to hate him, and forget all about him and yet everything reminded me of him.

It was like I was bewitched. To only fall for him, a man that would never love me. I was attracted to the danger that loomed around me when I was with him.

It had been a year already, and yet I still hopelessly wanted him, even after having gone through therapy. Even after having suffered and lost myself. I still wanted him.

And that scared me.