Dumb joke fanfics I wrote in school

Chair x table x Dream daddy

CHAIR x TABLE

Chair looks at Table with lust, eyeing them up and down.
"Those legs of yours look nice, I'd love to get between them," Chair says sexily.
Table flushes a deep red and tucks, their totally real hair, behind their ear. Chair walks closer to Table and kisses them passionately. Table moans into the kiss, completely caught off guard, but returns it soon after. The kiss is at first passionate and sweet but it soon turns to be hot and lustful. Table breaks the kiss and looks at Chair with only lust in their eyes.
"Tell me what you want baby" Table struggles to speak and then looks down, avoiding Chair's eyes.
"I want...Dream daddy...not you. I'm sorry." Chair looks at Table like they've been stabbed in the back so many times.
"...Dream Daddy?...But what about all we had?" Their eyes start to tear up and their nose starts to snuffle.
"We never had anything...I've only ever had eyes for Dream, not you." Chair's mouth just stays open in disbelief and then runs off to the bar, leaving Table behind.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't believe I thought it was meant to be..." Chair says as they finally stop rambling to the bar worker across from them. Chair takes more sips of their drink until the ugly ass bartender speaks up.
"Well, wanna hear what happened to me a few weeks ago?" The man who looks like that one dude from shrek says to chair sweetly.
"Sure." Chair responds back. Maybe hearing someone elses shitty day will make me feel better like old times. Chair thinks.
"I got accused of grooming two kids on the internet."
"Woah that sounds like someone I know."
"Who?" The very very very ugly man says and then smiles knowingly,
"This guy named Dream"
"