Mackenzie's POV
Pagkagising ko ay ramdam ko na kaagad ang pamamaga ng mata ko and Kai is still asleep beside me.
Pagtingin ko sa wall clock it's only 4:30 AM. I didn't even get to sleep until it was 3 AM. Eto na naman kami sa pahirapan matulog.
Dahan-dahan akong bumangon at dumiretso sa CR para kumuha ng pang-cold compress sa mga mata ko. I wouldn't want Kai seeing me like this in the morning.
When I was in the kitchen getting ice, nagising si Kai at sumunod sa akin.
"Gabi na ba, Mahal?" Gulat niyang tanong and I smiled because of how cute she is.
"It's 4AM. Nagising lang ako sa sakit ng ulo ko. Go back to sleep," mahina kong sabi sa kanya pero umiling naman siya at kinuha ang ice pack sa kamay ko.
"Ako na, upo ka na lang don," sabi niya and I nodded dahil alam ko naman na hindi rin siya papayag na ako ang kumilos para sa sarili ko.
Nagpunta ako sa kwarto at kinuha ang kumot at unan namin ni Kai para dalhin sa living room.
"You want me to sleep here?" Sabi niya habang nakatingin sa sofa and I immediately shook my head.
"Let's sleep here," nakangiti kong sabi at nawala naman ang takot sa mata niya.
"You think I'll make you sleep on the couch?" Natatawa kong sabi sa kanya and she managed to let out a giggle.
"I would if you want me to, that's what I deserve for shouting so much," sabi niya at inabot na sa akin ang ice pack.
"I'm sorry. I guess being in the studio really just triggered me of what happened in the past, so napuno lang ako kahapon," sabi ko and she nodded bago tumabi sa akin.
"I know. Me shouting didn't help you either. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay? You're still healing. It doesn't have to be linear. I know it's not fucking easy. I know how badly you're hurt. You're sitting there with a million question in your head, you're unable to sleep, you feel your body literally ache, and that's okay. It's not your fault. You don't blame yourself for someone's inability to love you the way you deserve to be loved, okay? Nothing's wrong with you. You're perfect. Tonight is the first time you've felt this way again, right?" She asked and I nodded.
"Last year, you were feeling like this everyday. Now it only got to happen once in a while. That's okay. Tonight is just like the other nights before. It'll be fucking terrible but you'll do what you have always done. You'll make it through tonight. You'll be fine. This time, you didn't have to be alone. I'm here. I got you."
"What if I can't get over it? What if I can't move on?" Tanong ko sa kanya and she smiled softly.
"Maybe you won't, Mahal. But that's okay. Maybe you won't get over it, but you'll know how to deal with it. You'll know what to do when it comes back haunting you again. Maybe you won't get over it but you'll know how to put it behind. How to adapt with it burning and hurting you in the very core of your heart. I know you'll figure out a way. I think that's better rather than forgetting, because you get to keep the lesson. The next time you see it coming, you'll know." Sabi niya pa and I smiled at her.
"I'm sorry, Kai. That I couldn't give you the purest of love that I know. I'm sorry that I came to you all shattered and broken. I know you don't deserve this, fixing me when I was broken by somebody else." Sabi ko and she shook her head.
"You're not broken. I just think you've been through enough. Too much that know, you don't know what to do with all of it and you don't know where to put it down. You're exhausted and in pain. I know na ang gusto mo lang gawin ngayon mawala, but here's the thing. You've been on this journey of wanting to be lost, what if what you really wanted was to be found? What if you're so focused of vanishing, you didn't notice that you're finally found? That someone can see you now. Your pain, your doubts and regrets, your monsters. I see it all. I see your joy, your life, your passion. I can see you, Kenzie. You're not a ghost to me. You're my person and I finally found you," she said which made me tear up.
