Our Designed Love

CHAPTER-7

"I fucking love you Shyla Gilbert!"
"I love you so much more J!
Our lips smiled and our eyes sparkled with nothing but love.

"I can't believe you ate all of the cookies I made J! You are unbelievable!
"Your cookies are impossible to ignore just like you babe!"

"I want to go there with you Shyla! NYC will be so much better with you"

"You know you killed me right?"
"It all happened because of you!"
"If it was not for you I would still be alive and living my life"
"I loved you Shyla! But guess what? YOU KILLED ME!"

My chest tightened and I felt like someone was grabbing me by my neck and choking me! My body started shivering as I felt an unknown cold atmosphere which engulfed me into it even though my whole body was covered with sweat. My breath started getting heavier and I was unable to move my body.

SHYLA! WAKE UP!

My eyes opened! And I found myself covered with a blanket sitting on the bed with Ave and Linda on my either side. Their eyes held worry for me.

"Why again Shyla? Why do you keep thinking about those things? You saw the nightmare again right? Linda asked with tears in her eyes.

"You were crying Shyla! You were fucking scared while you were sleeping! Why can't you just let go of those things? Why do you keep including your past in your present?" Ave further asked with her voice breaking on each sentence.

"Here I am again with this, ruining our vacation" I replied while staring blankly somewhere not being able to forget that face.

That face which makes me want to end my life every single day. The face which makes sure I regret everyday that I am still alive. The face which reminds me to die in guilt everyday.

The face which was once my favourite. The face which I loved with all my heart once upon a time. But now it has only became a nightmare and a source of guilt and the only thing I want is to forget it.

"Stop it Shyla! We don't fucking care about the vacation. We love you and it breaks our heart to see you going through this every single night from the last 2 years." Linda said while engulfing me into a hug.

"I love you guys! And you know I don't have any one in my life now except you both" Ave said and joined us.

That's it. It was enough for me to break down as I couldn't fight back more tears. We shared a group hug and cried a mess.

We broke the hug and Ave laid me down while covering me with the blanket.

"I'll bring you some water" Linda said wiping her tears while getting up to get water.

"You skipped you tablets! Didn't you?" Ave asked with disappointment written all over her face.

I stayed silent.

"Why do you keep doing this Shyla? Why do you keep doing this with yourself? You have your whole life remaining with you. And I don't want you to spend it with nothing but guilt which is engulfing you every night. I know it is very hard for you to forget everything but trust me and move on from the past. Life is so beautiful and you have all the rights to live it the way you want. Don't let your past ruin your present and future and take control over you, Shyla. Do you have any idea how much important you and Linda are for me?" She said with her eyes holding tears.

Ave was the strongest girl I ever met in my whole life.
After the divorce of her parents and being abandoned by both of them, she never gave up. She came to NYC alone and accomplished her dream by getting admission in the FITs. She has always been an inspiration for me. She is not that kind of an emotional freak. She never shows it much but I know that she is the softest person by heart when it comes to me or Linda.

"Here you go! Drink water, sleep well and stay hydrated bitch, common!" Linda said with her little dance.

She was the sweetest person with a beautiful heart. Her positive attitude and care free nature always hides all her emotions inside her just like the way she's doing it now. She knows how to deal with bad situations and is brave enough to take a stand for her own self and for us every time.

Unlike me. I hate it how I let myself to be affected by something which is just in my imagination. I hate myself for being so weak. I know I am strong enough to face everything in my present and also independent enough to take care of myself but I'm not strong enough to face my past and that's what I hate the most. It is my weakest point and I think it will always be.

But one thing I know for sure is that there are my friends with me who will always be the source of support I will always need. I know that deep down they both are worried for me but never show it much for not making me filled with more guilt.

"I don't know what the hell would I have done without you guys!" I said while my voice broke again.

"You don't even have to know it because we both are always with you right by your side"
Linda said and passed me the glass of water while my hands which were already shivering were not even able to hold the glass properly.

She made me drink the water while Ave rubbed my hands to comfort my shivering self.

"It's Bali day tomorrow guys. We will explore the whole place and I don't want my dark circles to show up in the pictures. So we all should really sleep right now!" Linda said and jumped on the bed.

A little chuckle came out of my mouth by seeing her adorable self.

We all laid down while both of them cuddled me from each side.This works. This always works.

I slept being determined to cut the string of my past and not ruin my present as well as the future.

But is this it? Will this end here?