it started with a house party - ben hardy

break or break up

"i just want you to know..i love you." ben sighed and ran both hands through his hair.  his breathing was shaky.

"i know..i know you do. i'm going to put my foot down however. i'm not going with you tonight. i would love to, but i need space."

"i completely understand." ben nodded with pleading eyes. "umm, can we talk about us..and maybe where we stand?"

"i know that girl looked similar to me."

"she did.." ben laughed at himself, embarrassed. "and you saw how low the lights were."

"i know benny." i say criss-crossed on the sofa. ben mirrored me.

"i'm an idiot, i know. i should've been more aware. hell, she was in the same colored dress as you. i can't blame anyone else, i only have myself to blame here."

i sat silent, listening to ben ramble about how he feels stupid, how he's to blame, how he made the biggest mistake and broke a promise he made to my dad. then it hits me.

"ben." i perk up some.

"yes?" he stops his train of thought and looks me in the eyes.

"i don't want to break up." our memories flood back. our first date, when we went and ate pasta at the place my dad would take me before having to leave, our anniversary date where he made me think he forgot. "i just think for a little while, we shouldn't go to events or parties together. i think we should keep ourselves..well the relationship lowkey. i think that girl had tried to do that..because."

"so you think she was a fan?"

"yeah..i mean call me crazy but i've had to deal with all of that my entire life. women do go to great lengths to do things like that to get what they want. men too..but.."

"i'm fine with that. i enjoy my privacy." ben nodded. "so..are we okay at least?"

"for the most part." i nodded with my knees in my chest. "i'm just still hurt by it all. as anyone would be."

"i understand." ben nodded. "i have my next event later this evening..would you like to go to a late dinner afterwards? we can go for a walk on the beach? moonlight..romance.." ben wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.

"that sounds lovely."

"so a cheap little burger and fry diner. we wear pajamas?"

"now i'm really liking this idea." i laughed at ben still putting the moves on me, even this far into our relationship.

without warning, ben placed his hands on my calves and had me put my legs down. he laid his head on my thighs and looked up at me. "you know i never want to hurt you right? i'm an idiot for what i did."

"i know.." i played with his hair.

"can we maybe..go upstairs?" ben's eyes were pleading and i could tell he was looking for more than a heartfelt conversation on the couch.

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11:34pm and ben hasn't showed up yet. i had finished my book and sat on the couch, wondering if he was partying again.

A: benny?? it's getting late my love
B: i am almost there!! i promise baby❤️
A: okay..i was just getting worried
B: no need to worry, press was more than we expected tonight, i had a couple pints with joe then i left to go home and change. i'm on my way to you now❤️ i wouldn't leave you high and dry..especially after earlier
A: oh hush!
B: hey..so we're both from england?
A: yes??
A: oh please don't
B: well since you're familiar with these specific regions, you can call me Big Ben😏
A: i hate you. i officially hate you
B: no one can hate Big Ben baby, not even you in those silk sheets, am i right?
A: just get over here before i fall asleep
B: i'm hustling don't rush me woman

i heard a soft knock at the door, and opened it to see ben in his grey joggers and a sweatshirt

"big ben at your service." he winked with a growing grin.

"you're special, you know that?" i grabbed my purse before walking to his car.

"but i'm your special boy."

"that's very very true."

we ate, made small talk, and went to the beach. "this is nice. no one here. just us."

we walked hand in hand, gazing at the moon. ben had twirled me a few times.

"hey!" we heard a deep voice shout a few minutes later.

we froze and turned to see a police officer standing there with a flashlight. "beach is closed. past curfew, i'm gonna have to ask you two to leave."

"yessir." ben nodded and held my hand a little tighter.

"stupid kids." the officer mumbled to himself.

"ben, don't." i glanced at ben's face. "he's just a grumpy old man who probably hates his job and wife..and kids maybe, who knows?"

"sir, have you ever been in love?" ben grumbled at the officer.

"excuse me?" the officer spun on his heel to look at ben. "to answer your question, yes i have."

"but have you really? hecause then you'd understand the importance of walking on the beach at night with the woman you love."

"we all love in different ways, but the beach is closed. come back at dusk when it reopens then you can continue your romantic stroll and i won't have to be here to yell at you."

ben rolled his eyes and walked us back to his car. "ben." i laughed, "you're ballsy, aren't you?"

"he's leaving. it looks like we're about to leave."

"what are you saying?" i turned to see the wheels in his head turning.

without warning, he takes his shirt off and tosses it in the back. "aren't you going to join me?" he's half way out of the car by now.

"wait wha-" i laughed as he ran to my side and pulled me out.

he dragged me down to the shoreline and slipped his joggers off. "nothing says romance like a little skinny dipping huh? gotta be adventurous." he smirked.

"ben. i don't know." i looked around, no one was here. not a soul in sight. when i turned around, all i saw was his boxers being pulled down, and him resting his hands on his hips.

"it's very freeing actually."

"what the hell." i did the same as him and knew my face was turning red.

"shall we?" he extended his hand and pulls us out into the water.

"shi-" the cold water made me start having laughing fits. ben just smiled ear to ear as he watched me.

"god i love you." he pulled me in, giving some warmth back to my skin. his lips pressed on mine.

"i wouldn't want this to end." i pulled back and smiled at him.

we played in the water some before deciding to get out and put our clothes back on. "i don't care in we're wet in these clothes. i think beach date was a success." ben grinned.

"i think so too."

"feeling ballsy?" a different officer was standing by ben's car this time.

"shit." ben mumbled.

"i could write a ticket," he said, "but i don't have a pen."

"you have-" ben got cut off. he motioned to his chest, where the officer did have a pen on him.

"i said i don't have a pen." he gave a 'take a hint' face. "so you two just run along now, and get out of the area. my partner is around here somewhere." he nodded and walked back to his vehicle.

"i like that man." ben pointed at the cop car as he drove off. "that's a good man."

"who let you just skinny dip with your girlfriend? he probably saw everything! your bum, your..yeah, me- oh god all of me!"

"at least he knows what's not his." ben looked at me and gave a cheeky smile.

"you're messed up."

"hey, i know what's mine..you proved it earlier today."