Look For The Light|| JILL ROORD .

Welcome back.

I was in the Barcelona airport at 5 in the morning, waiting for my flight. Not back to London. I couldn't bear seeing my team, upset. All because I'd let my anger get the best of me. The reporter's words never left my mind... "do you think you could have won that game if you hadn't been sent off?" If I'd answered truthfully, Yes, I know we could have won that game.

I'd let everyone down. I had to turn off my phone and log out of all my socials. My manager told me that, For now, it's best I just get some rest and keep my head down. So I'm headed back to the States for the week. Why? I couldn't tell you, It's not like there's anything in the States for me. Although seeing my best friend and sister, could cheer me up. I just don't get how I'm supposed to get better. How? I'd made a mistake and now people are questioning if I deserve the Ballon d'Or. Do I?

My flight had come and I eventually landed in LA. I was supposed to be waiting for Kelley's flight to land because she's flying in from new york. We planned to go to Alex's and stay with her for the weekend together.  

Kelley had finally landed and ordered our Uber, we decided to get something to eat while we waited for the Uber to arrive. The silence between me and kelley was deafening. It had never been so awkward. Maybe the red card Had some impact on that. Maybe she knew that I needed space. But really all I want is a hug. One big hug from someone. That 'someone' is Jill. I'd craved her touch again.

We had finally made it to Alex's house and Alex gave me a big hug. But this hug was not the one I craved. This hug felt meaningless. I felt safe, Yes. I felt loved, Yes. So what was the problem? My real eyes couldn't realize I needed a hug from some green-eyed dutch girl who was on her way back to London by now. But she didn't need a hug from me. Just Jana.

Me and kelley went to our room, and started unpacking, still in silence. "It's not your fault," Kelley said. "Yeah..." I paused and sighed. "I'm not so sure about that." I finished unpacking and left the room. 

I was in the kitchen and making a quick snack, when Alex came in. "So, I have some big news..." She said, you could tell she was containing her excitement. "okay..." I stopped waiting for her to finish. "Me and Servando are having  baby." I stared at her. I knew I had to be happy for her, I mean I am Happy for her. But Nothing could make me happy at this moment. So I threw on my facade. "OMG ALEX" I screamed and smiled as I picked the dark brown-haired girl up and she shrieked.

Kelley came out of our room to check out all the Noise, "She's having a baby!" I yelled back to Kelley. Kelley came over and joined our hug. "So, what are you gonna name the baby?" I asked. "Well, we were talking about this last night, and we've decided either, Charlie, if it's a girl, and Lucas, if it's a boy," she says with a small smile on her face. I could tell she was happy. Excited to be a mom. A real mom.

"Let's go out and celebrate!" I said. "I'm down" Kelley agreed with me. I looked over to Alex and she looked hesitant. "Me and Servando are gonna stay home and watch a movie. But you girls should totally go out." She says. "All right, yeah, we can go out again together tomorrow night. All three of us." I said rather harshly. I wasn't trying to be harsh, But we all only ever see each other, Never. So I couldn't believe she would just blow off quality time. "come on Kelley, let's go get ready." I said and walked back into the room with my snack.

Me and Kelley were at The bar. But we didn't stick together. She was off somewhere doing god knows what. While I was sitting at the bar. Thinking. Thinking about everything. Just to get my mind off the fact, That I... That I could be drinking right now. That all my pain could just dissolve, Just with a few sips. Just for a few hours, I wanted to feel back home, Back to normal, Back to the night I left. Back to the day I met Jill, and fell in love with her smile.

"You gonna order anything?" The bartender asked. I just said what was on my mind. "Yeah, one Coke and rum," I answered. I was hoping he'd say they didn't serve that. But no, He went ahead and poured the drink and slid it over to me. I stared at it. Was it really worth it? It's just one drink. I think I'll be okay. I took my first sip.

I ordered 6 more after that, and eventually, The drink became too weak. I needed to feel more of the effect that alcohol had. "Excuse me, can I get a bottle of Jack Daniel?" I asked the man. "Yeah, is that on your tab still?" He asked. "Yeah," I replied back. He handed me a bottle and a glass and I began drinking all the sober thoughts away.

I had finished the bottle. "Hey, can I get a few shots?" I asked the bartender again. "No, unfortunately, I gotta cut you off. I think it's for the best If you just go home and get some rest." The man said. "Oh. All right, well I'm closing out my tab tonight then." I knew right after I was going to a liquor store.

I arrived home with 2 bottles of liquor and went to my room immediately. I had no clue where Kelley was. I'd sent her a text but never got a response. I eventually drank myself to sleep.

⭐

I'd woken up and couldn't find my other bottle of liquor. I'd searched everywhere for it. Kelley still wasn't in the room. I'd stumble to the kitchen only to see Alex and Kelley sitting. They were talking, But they stopped when I walked into the room. They both stared at me. "can I help y'all?" I say. "Yeah. Wanna explain why there were two bottles in your hand last night." Alex said. I saw Kelley look down to the floor. You could tell this wasn't something she wanted to do.

"It doesn't matter. I'm grown." I said back, clearly angry I was even being talked to about this. " Yeah, But you know how you get when you start drinking again," Alex said. She was angry, too. "Yeah, well, maybe I wouldn't have drank last night If my sister had come out with us last night." I sassed back. "I was with my husband!" She burst out. "Yeah, You'll be with him the rest of your life! We never talk anymore! We don't call or text-" I spoke out until she had cut me off. "BECAUSE YOUR OBSESSED WITH FOOTBALL!" She yelled. "It's always football this or football that, or I have to move across the world for football!" She said.

"Yeah! Well, it's always I have to stay home with my husband, or I can't. Servando needs me!" I yelled back. "Ok, well, if you think you're gonna keep drinking under my roof, You're not." She said. It was like she challenged me. But in my mind, all that was on my mind was alcohol. So I'd chosen the alcohol. "Fine, I won't be under your roof." I'd said and walked off, and went to pack my bag.

I arrived back in London and went to the nearest liquor store. I grabbed several bottles and got into an Uber to head home.

(Kelley's pov)

"Why'd you have to do that ale?" I asked Alex. "Because she is supposed to be recovering. Not drinking herself to sleep!" She said. "She's had a rough week, Ale. She got kicked out of the biggest European tournament; she thinks it's her fault!" I said, trying to get to common ground with Alex. "Yeah..." She paused. "well, it was." She said harshly. I knew Alex didn't mean it. She had to fight those words to come out. Alex walked away.

I'd found no point in being here in LA, so I decided to fly back home, too.