Look For The Light|| JILL ROORD .

Can't take it in

A/N: This is one of four that I have to make up those will be coming within the next two days, sorry for leaving yall hanging🙃

Me and Alex had made it to our dinner plans, while Servando and Charlie went to some kid's restaurant down the road from us. We sat at our table and watched as the waiter approached our table. 

"Can I get you guys any alcoholized drinks?" He asked. 

"Yeah, I'll have wine and she'll have-" Alex spoke and I cut her off at the sentence's near ending.

"I'll have a coke," I said to the man.

"We have rum and coke? if you'd like" The man asked offering alcohol to my beverage.

"No. No, just a coke." I said tempted. Tempted to slip again. Tempted to test the waters again. But even I knew I'd always drown to the bottom, No matter how hard I try to stop. I'll always be an alcoholic. A title I never knew I needed. Because without the burning sensation, I was a walking nobody, No matter the amount of football fans that praised me, I still never felt known. But there's that one girl who makes me feel acknowledged. Like I have a purpose. 

"Alright." The man said and made his way back to the kitchen to get our drinks.  

"So..." I said to Alex with a sigh dreading this conversation.

"So, You tell me. what's happened big in your life for the time we've been fighting...?" Alex asked awkwardly not liking the term that we were fighting. I took a sigh and slowly went through my own little recap of what happened, since me and Alex started arguing. Guess I can't live on my own without the girl. 

"Well... When you first left, I'd gone to practice one day and there she was." I said and Alex understood that I was referring to my actual mom. "She'd asked me for money, and nonetheless I'd given it to her,"  I said as I breathed out, feeling a stress be lifted off my shoulders. 

Alex sighed loudly. "She's such a asshole!" Alex said, and I couldn't help but feel bad for my mom Because I'd gotten to know her for my mom, and not the woman Alex saw her be.

"Let me finish," I told Alex before she continued to trash my dead mom. "After that, I tore my ACL, and on the way back I met this lovely old lady named Ruth," I said smiling at the mention of my grandma-like old lady. "After I met Ruth, A few weeks later My mom showed back up, and this time she apologized and paid me back for all the money I ever gave her. She took me to dinner and gave me this necklace." I told Alex and grabbed the pendant of the necklace. I slowly watched Alex's face lose all color. Almost as if she felt bad. "After that, we walked home and she told me I was her biggest accomplishment. That in all those years she missed me, she never not once was not proud of me." I began to come to a stop in my sentence as I knew the part I dreaded was coming up. The part where it all fell apart.

"A few days later, she'd asked me to run to the store to get some ice cream. And erm... I got back from the store and... She was... she was in the bathroom almost dead crying while her arms were leaking blood, As the pills slowly took her life from her. I kicked in the door and called the ambulance, and that was that." I said and finally looked at Alex only to see her almost starting to cry.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I should have been there." She said stood up and pulled me into a hug. Once we sat back down the waiter came over with menus and our drinks and let us order.

"Erm.. anyway after that, I'd started to drink more as one does when someone they just started to get to know dies. After that, I went out with my team and brought this girl I'd met when I first moved to London, and there was this girl who was touching on her in ways she didn't like so, me being me I stopped her and me and the girl fought, that ending with me getting kicked out and walking back to my house. Not thinking cause I'm drunk. I got stopped by the girl and her friends outside and  I got jumped and cut. I walked all the way to Ruth's house and fell asleep on the porch until the morning and she took me to the hospital and then I'd been staying with Ruth and she helped keep me sober, and now I'm here." I said as I sighed. 

"I'm so sorry, I'm never gonna do what I did again," Alex said taking all the blame for my problems once again.  We finished dinner and went down the road to pick up Charlie and Servando, then we walked and got ice cream.