Look For The Light|| JILL ROORD .

Gone with the wind.

TW: Alcohol consumption, Drug use, Self  harm, Suicide, and BPD mention. 

viewers discretion is advised!

The evening after....

we were in the living room and sat on the couch binge-watching friends, after I'd just gotten back from the Arsenal facility from training.

I'd invited my mother to stay for a few weeks until she could get on her feet, As she was fresh out of rehab. I'd never forgiven my mother verbally, But deep down I knew I'd forgive her. I just needed to find the right time to tell her. But I guess there really is no right time to tell her."we should go for drinks at my favorite bar here?" She spoke aloud out of nowhere. "I'm down! But what's with the sudden Idea?" I asked because it was completely out of nowhere. "You've just turned 21! I want to have a drink with you!" She said as she laughed pure gold. "Fine! But I must warn you, This is not my first Legal drink!" I said joining in on the laughter. "let's go!" She said and started to call a cab to take us.

We made it to the pub and walked in going straight to the bar. We order a few bottles of liquor and some soda and lemonade. "what's with the soda and lemonade?" I asked wondering why she ordered that. "Woah, there! you thought we were drinking straight liquor? we need to pace ourselves." She said as she laughed. "right." I said, realizing I was an alcoholic. But I pushed that thought out of my mind as fast as I could.

She taught me a whole bunch of new drink recipes and told me how to actually pace myself, We eventually started to walk home and looked at the stars as we walked back to my house. As I was staring at the stars I saw one Shine a tad bit brighter than the others, So I decided to tell her."I forgive you, Mom," I said randomly. She stopped and looked at me. Within seconds she broke down and pulled me into a hug. I felt her tears stain past my shirt and drop on my bare skin. "I want you to know, That In all those years I took from you, I never stopped loving you, I never will. You gonna go on a make me even more prouder than what you already have. I love you, Hudson, So much. Don't you ever think I don't? You are my biggest accomplishment, Not that I made a lot of those, But you did... So be proud." She said as she sobbed into my shoulder, and for the first time in months, I felt somewhat whole. I hugged her back. "Mom..." I said starting to cry a bit. "yes honey?" She said replying back. "I love you," I said for the first time in years, and man it felt good.

"I love you too baby, always mama's baby?" She said. For some reason, those words stuck a cord in my heart. Then I remembered.

(Flash back to 6 years old)

"Goodnight mama, I love you!" I said. "Goodnight gorgeous, Always mama's baby right?" she asked. "Always mama," I said and she kissed my head goodnight. just before she left the room and shut the door I'd stopped her. "Wait! can you turn on my nightlight?" I said in a hurry, Obviously scared of the dark. "Of course." She plugged in the nightlight. Just before she goes to shut the door she speaks. "Goodnight, Mommy loves you, sweet dreams." she shut the door fully and I fell asleep in a happy and safe home.

(End of flashback)

"Always mama," I said and she released me out of the hug and looked my dead in my eyes. "You remember?" She look surprised. "Yeah." I said and smiled. "come on let's get home." I said. As we walked home all I could think about was the sober words that left my Mom's mouth. we were barely drunk, and only finished a quarter of the one bottle, and left the others there, Full. So I knew she meant it. She seems so lively, and better, healthier. I was so proud of her.

Once we arrived home it was only about 8 or so. "Hey, you down to binge-watch some more friends?" I asked. "Yes! But I have a favor?" She asked. "yes!?" I said. "Can you run down the street and get some ice cream?" She asked. "yeah of course!" I said and grabbed my shoes and coat.