𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕(𝙰𝙲𝙾𝚃𝙰𝚁)

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔶-𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔯

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

age: 30

     I could feel everyone's eyes on me during breakfast, and I noticed them casting glances at each other. I wondered if it was due to the bruise on my cheek. Elio had been in a perfectly fine mood last night until I told him I hadn't been feeling well lately and was too tired to fuck him. We had a fight over it that ended with me getting struck across the face, so I slept in Eden's room. 

"Why are you all staring?" I demanded impatiently, glancing around. 

    Elio glanced at his sister, who simply nodded at him. I turned to my husband, my eyes demanding an answer. He cleared his throat, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"You're with child, my love," he told me. 

      The five words made my heart drop. I glanced around at everyone else, who must've been able to scent it. I placed a hand on my stomach, my violet eyes wide. 

"Are you sure?" I rasped, unable to raise my voice any higher than a whisper. Elio nodded, as did the others at the table.

"Congratulations," Eden said to me, though the smile on her face didn't reach her eyes.

      Part of me had thought that once I got pregnant, all of my hesitations and fears would vanish. I thought I'd immediately fall so in love with the baby inside of me that I would no longer hate the idea of having children in such a morbid place. 

     But I felt nothing. I felt no different than I did before I was told I was pregnant. There was no love in my heart for whatever was growing in my womb, and no feelings in my heart but fear and sorrow. 

     I went through breakfast in silence, flinching away from Elio's touch when he tried to rub my shoulder, and trying to blink back tears. 

     When I was excused to do my chores, I locked myself in my bedroom and began writing to my brother.

Rhysie,

    I've been informed that I'm pregnant. I'm absolutely terrified. In this court, I have no choice but to go through with it. I have been tormented by Beron for not getting pregnant, and now I am. He can't torment me anymore, but that doesn't make it any less scary. I'm not ready to be a mother. And I especially don't want to have a child during the war. But nobody listens to my concerns, or what I want. I'm scared for my baby. If it's a boy, he'll be trained brutally and raised to be as cruel as his father. But if it's a girl, she'll be berated for every mistake she makes and married off at seventeen, just as I was. I don't want either of those fates for my child. I miss you guys. I wish I could send this baby to live with you. Mother would know what to do. She'd raise this baby in a wonderful environment.

Love,
Evelina

     The door to my bedroom slammed open, and I flinched. My husband sighed deeply, softly closing the door behind him. I sniffled, putting my pen down and wiping the tears from my eyes. 

"You need to go see Kirsten," Elio said to me, his voice gentler than I was used to in the past few years. 

"I don't want to do this, Elio," I said quietly, folding up the letter so he didn't have a chance to read it. "I'm not ready to be a mother." 

"You'll be fine," he dismissed me and my worries. "We're going to visit the infirmary and find out how far along you are, okay?" 

"Don't speak to me like I'm something that needs to be handled," I snapped at him, tears spilling from my eyes. "I don't want to be a mother right now. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why does that mean nothing to you?"