𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕(𝙰𝙲𝙾𝚃𝙰𝚁)

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔶-𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔯

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

     I was jolted awake in the middle of the night, gasping to catch my breath. There were tears on my cheeks from the nightmare.

      I had escaped the Autumn Court, but I went right back there every night. I felt as though I would never get away from him. I couldn't sleep without being at his mercy all over again. I wondered if I'd ever be truly free.

     I tried to wrap my arms around myself to stop my trembling, and I tried to calm my breathing. But it was useless. All I could see in my mind was his face, and all I could feel were his hands on me.

     The irrational fear that he was somehow going to hurt me again would never go away. I glanced around in the pitch black, my body still shaking.

     I hadn't yet felt the bond that Azriel had revealed to me, but in a moment of desperation, I reached deep into my chest, searching for that string. A gasp left my lips when I found it, right around my heart, and I tugged on it with everything I had.

      I wiped the never ending stream of tears from my eyes while I waited. I wondered if he would even come. If he would leave me in my fear out of anger for rejecting him.

     I knew the thought was ridiculous the second it crossed my mind. And a few seconds later, the only feeling I had when my door opened was relief.

     I gazed up from my lap, my tear-filled eyes meeting his. Seeing his face only made the tears fall harder.

"I know things have been strange between us, but I really need you right now," I whispered through my tears, pure desperation in my voice.

"It's okay," he assured me, stepping over to my side. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I denied, shaking my head. "I just need you to hold me."

"I'm here," he murmured, sitting down on the bed.

      I allowed him to wrap his arms around me. I melted into his embrace, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. His scent was familiar--safe. He held me close, his scarred hand stroking my hair. His shadows began to comfort me, one of them wiping my tears.

"I can't sleep without being back there," I whispered, my shoulders shaking with sobs.

"You're home, and you're safe," he reminded me. "He's never going to hurt you again."

"I know, but the nightmares--they're so real," I explained.

"I understand," he said quietly. I knew that he did. That was likely why he was still awake to feel my cry for him.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" I asked. "At least until I fall asleep again?"

"Of course," he whispered, his arms tightening around me.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

     Az had been gone when I was awoken, and while I felt a small twinge of disappointment, another part of me was grateful. I wasn't yet ready to discuss everything. I wondered if he thought I was pathetic for calling out to him after saying I needed time. Or if he pitied me.

     I pondered these things as I strolled through Velaris, to my daughter's apartment. I could have easily winnowed or flown, but I enjoyed the walk. The city was so beautiful, and I loved my people. They had always adored me when I was a child. I'd been welcomed back warmly.

     Diana and I were going to Gideon's apartment for lunch, but she had asked me to come to her place early to help her make the dessert we were bringing.