Love me, Dominate me, Or both (mxb)

Chapter 40

Ryan and I spent the day watching TV together. I knew he was trying his best to force me out of this slump, but I couldn't help feeling broken.

I used to talk to Corbin every day and spend tons of time with him, but now there's nothing. I didn't just lose my partner, I lost my friend. At least I still had Ryan. That had to count for something. Right?

Chloe had gone to work earlier in the morning, so it was just Ryan and I. Well, Butter was there too, but he slept the majority of the time.

Ryan had cranked up the volume on the TV for dramatic effect as we watched numerous movies. We kept the apartment relatively dark with the use of blackout curtains. We did that so the movies would be easier to watch, similar to a theater.

Though, I couldn't quite pay attention to the movies. While Ryan watched the screen, I was lost in thought. I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and regret.

After all that time I spent learning how to be a good submissive, I went and fucked it up. Not only am I a bad person, but I'm a bad submissive. I tried so hard and got nowhere.

I stopped myself from crying, knowing how Ryan would react.

Butter slept in my lap as the films played. I stroked Butter's back as he slept to ease my anxiety. He would purr like an adorable kitten. The little fur ball made me smile, something I found myself doing little of recently.

Ryan had a soft spot for the kitten too. It was interesting to see how much love Butter would receive for simply existing.

"We should get out of here for a while, don't you think?" Ryan said while the end credits rolled from one of the movies.

I shrugged. "I don't want to go into public. What if someone from the club sees me?"

"Why would it matter if they saw you?" He questioned.

"Everyone knows what I did."

"So?"

"They'll stare at me or talk about me behind my back. Listen, I just want to stay home." I said with a weepy voice. I wasn't crying, but my emotions were surely bubbling in my throat.

"Okay okay." He held his hands up in defeat. "We'll stay here."

I looked down at Butter and stared at the innocent creature. I wish I had as simple a life as he did. The peace and comfort he has are immeasurable.

"How about we do something like a board game? Anything to get our minds active." He suggested.

I huffed a laugh and spoke, "We could do all of my homework and schoolwork." I said sarcastically.

"Do you have it all here?" He turned to me, clearly not joking.

"You actually want to do high school work?" I said.

"Well we'd be doing it together, and it's something productive, just like I was hoping."

"If you insist," I said while standing from the couch. I carried Butter in my arms like a little baby as I led Ryan to my room. We sat on my bed with my backpack as I unpacked everything.

The simple action of looking at my schoolwork disgusted me. In a way, I blamed my school for what had happened. Blaming inanimate objects was helpful in times like these.

"I'm good at history," Ryan mentioned while looking over all of my folders.

I handed him my World History folder while placing the Trig folder in front of me.

We worked diligently to complete my work. I had missed a lot of school since I met Corbin. Half of it was past due, but that didn't mean I couldn't still get points for it. Some points are better than none, right?