Found You - Woosan

Chapter 23

It was now midnight meaning it had been nine hours since they had confronted Kyu-ho. Surprisingly, San was taking his mother's betrayal better than initially thought, mostly because Wooyoung consumed every single one of his thoughts.

San stood on his well-decorated balcony not paying mind to the cold breeze. He felt at peace as he held the necklace Wooyoung dropped all those years ago while looking up at the night sky. Every night he did this, it was a part of his daily routine, work all day and then at night come outside to look at the starry sky. Just like Wooyoung wanted.

San smiled thinking about how Wooyoung constantly pestered him to decorate his balcony because it was just 'too bland' as he put it. Thinking about all the memories he had with Wooyoung brought him comfort and peace but it also brought him sadness. There was always a chance he might never see Wooyoung again, and that broke him. What if things were already too late? What if they never found Wooyoung? What if Wooyoung didn't want to see him? What if-

"San." San shook his head as he tried to get those thoughts out of his mind. Don't think like that San. San turned around to see Hongjoong standing in the doorway of San's bedroom door holding something in his hand. San spoke softly his voice laced with confusion, "Joong? What are you doing here."

Hongjoong smiled as he walked into San's room closing the door behind him. "I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. And both Hwa and Yeosang thought that you should keep this. After all things could get a little messy if someone stumbled across this." Hongjoong spoke as he walked toward San holding out Wooyoung's diary. "You were the closest to him and there is something he wrote in there that you might wanna know..." Hongjoong spoke hesitantly.

San took the diary from Hongjoong's hands and just stared at the book. "I'm also sorry," San spoke as he looked at Hongjoong. "I shouldn't have raised my voice and I shouldn't have said that Wooyoung didn't trust us. I was frustrated that Wooyoung didn't come to any of us but that doesn't excuse the fact that I said something wrong." Hongjoong spoke softly.

"You had the right to feel that way Hongjoong. I mean yeah it sucks that Wooyoung didn't come to any of us. If he did then maybe this situation could have been prevented but we can't blame him either. We were all so young still. I can't even imagine what he might have been dealing with. He was barely a teenager when this all started. It must have been hard on him to try and communicate what he was going through with adults let alone us." San said while giving Hongjoong a sad smile.

Hongjoong just nodded in agreement, everything made sense but was so confusing at the same time. They still didn't have the full story, only bits and pieces of it. It just felt like just a horrible and long dream that they would never wake up from. Everyone was just so tired, they couldn't do this by themselves but how could they put together another security team after what happened to the last one?

Hongjoong joined San out on the balcony for a while which brought San a bit of nostalgia. They talked for about an hour before Hongjoong called it a night and took his leave. Now San was alone again, but this time he had a book that stored all of Wooyoung's secrets and hidden emotions. San went back inside his room making sure to close the balcony door behind him. He pulled the curtains shut before walking over to his desk.

He took a seat and turned on the desk lamp, now the small diary was in front of him. He looked down at the smooth black cover softly running his fingers along the edges. It took about five minutes for him to gain the courage to open the diary. He observed the first page and couldn't help but smile at the familiar cursive handwriting.

The first page started with Wooyoung talking about his day. Things he did, who he spent time with, what he ate the simple and normal stuff some people would journal down in a diary. The next page was the same as the next but, when San reached the 7th entry he felt his heart starting to race.

'Diary Entry 7,
March 18.

Something strange happened last night. For some reason, I had a nightmare about my parents. I haven't had one of those since I was nine but this one was different. It felt more real? I'm not sure how to describe it but it felt so real it didn't even feel like a dream. There isn't much I can do about it though. One things for sure, this dream ruined my whole day...'

'Diary Entry 8,
March 23.

I had that dream again. It was more detailed than last time. The dream is just repeating the parts of my childhood that I tried so hard to forget. These dreams are draining, every time I have one I feel so tired the rest of the day. Not to mention they also got me a little paranoid. For a second I thought I saw my mother but when I looked there was nothing. I hope I don't have this dream again.'

San continued to read the diary entries and a lot of them were about these dreams. The entries got darker and darker as apparently, the dreams got worse the more often they happened. Since Wooyoung wasn't getting proper sleep he started to see parts of his dreams even when he was awake.

There were a few entries where Wooyoung didn't see these hallucinations or have any of these dreams. Some days where he was able to be normal, able to have fun with his friends without having to worry. Compared to the other pages in the diary San smiled when he read these pages. In these pages Wooyoung actually seemed happy as he was able to forget everything that was on his mind.

San continued reading for a few more hours before eventually looking at the time to see it was already 3:42 a.m. yet he didn't feel tired. He was already on the 54th entry when he paused reading. He blinked his eyes before re-reading one specific part.

'Ji-yoo clung to San the whole time and I can tell it pissed the others off. I won't lie and say that it didn't also irritate me after all it's hard watching someone cling on to the person you love.'

San read this line over five times. In what way did Wooyoung mean this? Did he mean romantically or just as friends? Friends can say they love each other without meaning it romantically right?

San's mind kept racing as he felt his cheeks heat up. There was no doubting it, the context and the sentence was written would make sense in a romantic light. Wooyoung loved San. It was never just one-sided, it was shared but neither one of them acted on this. San put a paper clip on the page he left off on before softly closing the diary. He picked up the diary and made his way over to his bed, opening the nightstand drawer and putting the diary in it.

San's mind just kept on racing as he tried to process everything he just learned. He would continue reading the diary tomorrow once he calmed down. San just buried his head into his pillow, he felt like a high school girl fangirling because their crush talked to them. Was it possible that Wooyoung still loved him? San wouldn't be able to get any sleep tonight, not with all the thoughts that rushed through his mind.