Pumpkin Eater

October 11th

Billie Eilish got way too drunk and puked all over Ice Spice at Cardi B's new house warming party.

Ice Spice was pissed and started trying to swing on Billie - so you stepped in and said you would take Billie home to rest.

Cardi said you weren't going anywhere.

That she hired you to serve honey chipotle grilled shrimp on a wooden stick and you better be serving her guests their shrimp on a wooden stick or you're not getting paid.

It was a $100 per hour gig and the party was scheduled to end at 6 am.

It was only 9 pm now, and you had been serving shrimp on a stick for the last 3 hours already.

The shrimp was going fast - so you were constantly running back and forth from the kitchen.

The shrimp stuffers weren't stuffing the shrimp on the sticks fast enough because the cooks grilling the shrimp were constantly stopping to accommodate Cardi's  latest outrageous demands.

She kept adding on exotic foods to the menu!

Like broiled jellyfish stingers, ox head soup, horse ears and camel hump burgers!

As much as you wanted to make sure Billie was ok....you really needed the money for rent.

So you apologized for your unwelcome suggestion and went back to serving the guests.

Billie got picked up and carried out of Cardi's house by security.

They just dumped her on the ground outside and locked the front door.

You were in the middle of serving shrimp on a stick to Cara Delevingne and her new girlfriend Skai Jackson, when you heard the loud crash from down below in the driveway.

You - and the other guests- hurried over to look over the edge of the balcony!

A drunk Billie had accidentally crashed her car into Cardi's garage door - denting it right in the middle.

You flew down the stairs and into the driveway just in time to see a furious Offset dragging Billie out of her car by her throat!

He punched her in the face with such force, she immediately went limp in his grip as she was knocked unconscious.

You had to wrestle Billie's limp body away from him because he was slamming her up against the side of her car screaming, "- WAKE UP AND FIX MY GODDAMN GARAGE DOOR BITCH!"

You managed to get Billie into the backseat of her car.

Then you apologized for the damages she caused but it wasn't good enough for Cardi and Offset.

Billie had just destroyed their brand new home.

So not only did you get fired for helping Billie, but Cardi climbed into Billie's car to steal all of her valuables.

She said she needed it to sell so she can afford to fix her door.

The keys were still in the ignition so you got in the driver's seat after Cardi got out and backed the car up.

Unfortunately the car was the only thing keeping the garage door up - and the whole thing crashed down onto the driveway after you backed up.

Cardi screamed in fury.

You drove away - quick!

You honestly had no idea where Billie lived....

So after driving around with no particular destination, you finally pulled over at a gas station.