Pumpkin Eater

October 16th

You didn't want to switch bodies with Billie fucking Eilish!

She was a terrible person!

A dog beater!

Everyone saw her beating her dog with her shoe for pooping on the rug in the background of her Mom's latest vegan recipe video upload!

Her mom took the video down a few hours later but it was already too late!

Everyone had seen it already!

Billie even tried to deny it was her even though her face was clearly visible in the video!

Billie actually got arrested for animal cruelty but was let go an hour later after paying a $10,000 fine.

She even got to keep her dog!

You were disgusted with her!

Everyone was!

She lost millions of followers and PETA activists were boycotting her music.

People from all around the world were flying in with their dogs just to let them take massive shits on Billie's lawn!

No one wanted anything to do with Billie Eilish the dog beater!

Especially not YOU!

Besides - you wanted to be Taylor Swift!

All you needed to do was say the words while looking into Taylor Swift's eyes.

The only set back was - you couldn't get close to Taylor!

You couldn't even afford tickets to her sold out tour.

You had never met her a day in your life!

The soul switching spell you brought for $200 on Etsy said it would work on a video of the person too.

So you memorized the spell chant, opened TikTok, and said the words out loud when a video of Taylor Swift popped up on your fyp.

Unfortunately.....

You forgot you had automatic scroll on.

So instead of staring into Taylor Swift's kind blue eyes as you finished the last word of the spell- you saw an angry looking Billie Eilish's eyes as she glared at the paparazzi while picking up dog shit off her lawn.

You quickly scrolled back up to the video of Taylor....but it was too late.

Your room turned pitch black.

You stood up, and felt a strong hand on your shoulder- pulling you down to the floor!

You screamed - and got a sweaty hand slapped over your mouth before you heard a hushed voice growl in your ear from beside you- "Shhhh! Stay down!"

You bit his hand.

"- Gha! What the fuck?!" The man cursed, snatching his hand back.

"What the hell's going on?!" You cried.

You were horrified when you realized your voice sounded just like Billie Eilish's!

It meant the spell worked - but on the wrong fucking super star!

You didn't want to be Billie Eilish!

You wanted to be Taylor Swift!

Billie Eilish had a terrible, achy body!

Your ankles were swollen - your legs were throbbing- your back was KILLING you, your lungs felt too tight and your new giant boobs were squashing your rib cage!