Following the loss of her child's father to suicide, Taelyn endeavors to rebuild her life while single-handedly raising her three-year-old son, Mason. In the midst of this, love finds her unexpectedly, mending her broken heart.
*sigh*' my babies 🥺 trigger warning. excuse any mistakes. ——
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I knew the way I was feeling was becoming worse when I had began to isolate myself, ignoring all forms of communication, not just from Tealyn; but from everybody.
The numbers of texts messages on my phone began to grow due to them being unanswered, six messages from my mom plus two missed calls, three from Tealyn, and four from Jarvis. I just didn't want to talk or be around anyone.
Although I got rid of Desmond I still felt this dark cloud consuming me, it was like this heavy weight of pressure on top of me. I guess my conscience was feeling guilty, why though? He deserved it in my eyes.
Every-time I thought about the shit he did my stomach would turn, I felt so fucking guilty.
It was all my fault, and no one could tell me differently.
There was so much going on in my mind, Los Angeles was honestly at the top of the list. I guess my brain was still trying to process the fact that I'd be leaving in two weeks. Then I was thinking about the Desmond situation, how it could possibly circle back to me, and my life would be over. Shit made me paranoid even when I wasn't thinking about it, the same scenario would reside in the back of my mind like a broken record, or the dark shadow a person thinks they see in the corner of their bedroom in the middle of the night.
Sometimes I'd even visualized how the event would play out.
I'd be sitting with Tae and Mason watching tv, or maybe even asleep on the couch with Mason in my arms or Tealyn if we were alone for the night. Or maybe I'd be at my moms spending time with her and Rylann. The police would come to the door and ask me, my mom, or Taelyn if I was who they've been looking for, we'd say yes, following all of their directions to avoid things taking a tragic turn; then they'd arrest me. Tealyn and my mom would cry as they cuffed me, maybe they'd throw me to the ground if I didn't go down without a fight. Mason would reach for me confused on why I was leaving, Rylann would run into my moms arms; and just like that I'd never see them again.
To keep it all the way one-hunnid though, all I saw was red, the things he was saying just made me so angry.
I didn't even realize what I did until something inside me screamed for me to stop; but it was too late.
I stood on business though..
Fuck, I need a blunt.. No...I need my girl, I needed her to come lay with me, kiss me, rub my back or just be here to listen, but I can't let her see me like this, not right now.
Currently standing in my painting room, I held the can of black paint in my hands, opening it I grabbed the brush and began to paint what I was feeling; but even my art began to bleed the feeling of guilt and anger. I kept adding in reds and greys until the canvas was completely filled; not leaving a spot of white to be seen.
