Night Shift [h.s]

sixteen

☁️ HARRY ☁️

I had found it hard to focus on anything since Lana had opened up to me on Tuesday. My mind was often running away with me every time I settled down to sleep. I didn't feel totally with it on my shifts, my mind was elsewhere, overthinking every little thing. I should've just been able to push the thought away. I should've been able to accept the fact that what had happened had happened. There wasn't anything I could do now, but it didn't stop me from thinking out every little detail in such deep thought. It was pulling me under.

It started to put things into perspective and I started to think a lot more about Lana and I's relationship, or particularly lack of. I started to really think about whether I wanted this or not, and I think the answer would always be that I wanted this. I really wanted this. This wasn't some sort of fling or a childish little rendezvous. My heart was already in it for the long run. My mind was already too far gone now, there was no coming back from this. I had fallen in in the blink of an eye and I don't think there was any way out for me. I could already tell that Lana was going to be in my life for the long run. She just seemed to have that effect. I knew from the get go. I could just tell, I had a feeling.

Of course, I couldn't tell her how I felt. She already had a lot going on and she didn't need me coming along and pouring my heart out to her. She didn't need me to mess this whole operation up just when she had thought that the dust had settled for a while and that she was safe. I couldn't come along and tell her that I saw a future with her. She'd completely flip her shit and rightly so. I was a man she had known for approximately six weeks now, we were hardly even at the point of being friends, our relationship or friendship hadn't progressed in the past few weeks and so we were just stuck in a place that I didn't quite know the name of. There was this weird air around us that I couldn't quite describe.

I don't think it helped that I was tired beyond compare, for weeks Lana had given me the old excuse of that she was ridiculously tired from not getting enough sleep during the day with having to collect Harmony from school, do the shopping and the housework as well as just being a functioning human being, but now I was the one laying off my exhaustion as some sort of excuse.

I hadn't had a shift off in a while, and quite often I was always working overtime when patients came in right at the end of my shift, sometimes I was being called in during the day just as I was about to rest my head down, my phone would ring and I'd have to come in and cover somebody or the ED would just be completely overworked.

My usual day off was a Friday night, but Karmen had approached me just before Lana had started working here and asked if I could have a different shift off because someone else needed to take that slot to have the weekends with their child. I didn't really think anything of it until just recently when Lana was missing on a Friday night shift and then she'd come back on a Saturday night with her nails painted a new colour. I should've guessed that she was requesting that shift off to be with Harmony. I just didn't even think.