Night Shift [h.s]

fifty two

☁️ HARRY ☁️

"How are you feeling baby?" I crane my neck to see Lana sitting in the back of the car, Henley's car seat right next to her so she could keep a close eye on him throughout the way home. That in itself felt like a funny sentence to say.

"Harry, just relax, you've asked me that about fifty two times already and we've only just left the hospital" Lana tells me with a chuckle and a shake of her head, though she doesn't look at me once, she keeps her gaze of adoration to Henley, watching over him like a hawk in fear of the tiniest thing going wrong.

I knew it was natural for mothers to worry over their babies, and even I was filled with anxiety over Henley and his health, I worried incessantly about if he was okay or if he was ready to come home yet, I worried every time he closed his eyes to sleep, I watched over him waiting to see his chest rise and fall. I knew what Lana was going through, but for some reason her fears felt so much more prominent than mine. Because she physically struggled to be away from him for longer than a few minutes without breaking down.

All it took was for her to go to the toilet earlier and by the time she came back she was in tears over the fear of something happening in the short time she was gone.

I knew it was only early days, and Henley was only five days old, but I was keeping a close eye on Lana. I was sure that she was just attached to him, purely because she wasn't able to be with him for three painful days and so she was making up for lost time, but there was a part of me that was telling me just to watch how these next few days go.

I suppose we were probably both too anxious for our own good. We had a tiny little baby in our hands and I may be a doctor, but I had no idea what I was doing. This was all new to me, I didn't know what I was doing and I think that scared me a lot more than I'd ever admit.

This tiny life was dependant on me and I was too scared to make one wrong move or have too strong of a hold. It just felt daunting, but I was ready to learn and to take on the challenge of parenthood. I had been told about a million times by now that it was life greatest journey and I knew it was true, it was just a little terrifying to have a life in your hands so delicate and fragile.

"I think you're forgetting everything you went through, you're stomach literally got sliced open, you lost a ridiculous amount of blood, forgive me for worrying about you" I give her a knowing look. I think it was easy for her to brush off all that had gone on, she was far too focused on Henley to stop and remember that she was recovering from something that could've been fatal. She had a long journey to recovery still and I knew that would frustrate her.

"Don't remind me" I flick my eyes to the mirror to watch her physically cringe at the thought of it. I think it was something that often bypassed her mind. She was too focused on our baby boy to ever worry about herself, though I guess that was just Lana all over. She'd give everything to everyone else before she even so thought of herself.