Night Shift [h.s]

fifty

☁️ ALANNAH ☁️

A lot of scary things have happened to me in my life. Finding out I was pregnant for the first time was quite possibly one of the scariest events, although maybe it was having to raise a child alone, or maybe even seeing Harry covered in blood being brought into the ED with more wounds than I could count. Maybe the scariest thing was finding out I was pregnant after a one night stand. Though I wasn't entirely sure that any of those events even compared to getting your child quite literally ripped away from your hands whilst you're left bleeding and afraid with no clue of what was actually going on.

I think terrified was an understatement.

The lights very quickly went out, my eyes welded shut and everything from that moment on wasn't something that stayed in my memory bank. I lightly remember people talking and the sound of Harry's voice, but everything was too blurry, everything hurt, nothing was perceivable. It just went dark and that was quite possibly the scariest thing to ever happen to me.

The light just went off. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, I couldn't even think. Everything just felt silent, like the earth had descended into nothing but dust and my memories from it all were rather hazy. All I knew was that I was in a lot of pain and I vaguely recall Harry calling out for me, though maybe that was in a dream, maybe that was just my mind playing tricks on me. Everything still felt rather groggy a whole twenty four hours after everything had taken place.

Harry had been sitting by my side for a lot of it, even Niall came to show his face for a little while, though I was too in and out of consciousness at that point to really hold a conversation. At some point someone must've phoned my parents, as they turned up in the afternoon with tears in their eyes clutching tissues in their hands and I had been relatively strong up until that moment. My body was so weak and exhausted that I physically felt as though I couldn't actually cry at all, I couldn't do anything but lay there.

But the moment my parents came into the room and took me into their arms, the tears wouldn't stop. That was when I think it really clicked of all that had happened and the lack of my newborn in my arms then became incredibly noticeable. I think had been too pumped full of drugs to notice it before, but that was the moment that really ignited fear within me. My bump was gone and my baby wasn't in my arms or in Harry's arms. In fact, Henley wasn't anywhere to be seen.

Harry had assured me over and over again that Henley was just fine and he was getting a bit of support in the NICU but so far everything was looking really good for him, he had even showed me an endless album full of photos on his phone of our tiny bear, though I was crying so much that each photo was blurry. I could hardly focus on any of this little features without sobbing so much that I physically felt unwell.