Night Shift [h.s]

forty four

☁️ HARRY ☁️

Over the past few weeks I thought that I was beginning to miss work. I thought I was itching to go back and I couldn't wait to finally get myself back in the ED where I could busy my hands and save some lives, though now I was actually here, standing in the ED with my scrubs on my body, I wasn't so sure I wanted to be here so much anymore, especially when I knew that I could be sleeping in my bed, cuddled up with Harmony rather than standing in the middle of a whizzing ED with so much going on around me. It was all a little overwhelming if I was being honest.

As much as I lived for my work, over the past few weeks, everything had just been about family and now it was hard to get out of that homely state of mind. I understood now why Lana found it so hard to always go to work, she had to physically pull herself out of the door and I never really understood it until now. For years it had been just me and so I didn't particularly miss anybody when I went to work and there wasn't really anything better I could be doing with myself in the evenings, it wasn't as hard to leave for work because I wasn't leaving anybody. But now I was and suddenly I understood where Lana was coming from all along.

All I wanted was to be home. And I didn't mean home as in my house. I meant home as in with my family.

I felt a fool now for jumping at the first chance I got to go to work when I didn't really think it through. I had been off work for over ten weeks now and so I think I had gotten a little too settled being some kind of stay at home dad as Lana teased me. I jumped at the chance to come back to work, just to keep myself busy, but now I was here I was starting to second guess myself. Maybe I wasn't ready at all, maybe I needed a few more weeks, though I suppose it would only make it worse for me. Having longer off meant that it'd feel so much worse when I did actually have to return.

"Baby" Lana's gentle voice makes my ears tingle and the buzzing around me stops. I feel like I can finally let out a breath of air I had been holding this whole time. I thought I'd be able to come back to the ED and everything would fall back into place, I thought it would all come back to me and it'd be like riding a bike, though I wasn't so sure about that. I felt insanely overwhelmed by everything around me.

"Are you okay?" She asks me, snaking her arm around my waist to pull me out of the chaos that my mind was creating. I just hadn't been working in a long time, all of this just felt a lot.

"Yeah, I'm good, I just forgot how busy it can be" I tell her, though I didn't necessarily mean that it was busy in the sense that the ED was busy and there were patients everywhere, it was more the sense that it felt busy. There was always just a lot going on and a lot that needed to be done and I felt as though I just needed to take a break and sit down for a moment or two. It was almost a little dizzying.