The Frequency Of Compulsion/GXG/ Grip The Series: Book One

THIRTY-FOUR

As promised

This is one of the longer chapters.

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L E A N A

The silence of the night settled around me, pulling heavy thoughts as she began to pull out of the parking spot, and despite these heavy thoughts and this anxious feeling weighing on my chest, I...wanted to be here, and I kind of hated it and liked it in the same breath.

A WEIGHTY CONTRADICTION

One that made it hard for me to be present as my heart beated with enough force to slap vibrations into the seatbelt pressed across my chest.

"Where we going, P?" She asked in her usual calm tone, which had me looking over at her, where she had one hand on the wheel the other on her thigh, blunt behind her ear and her gun between her legs.

"There is a hotdog stand a few blocks up," I answered, and she hummed, continuing to drive, but my eyes didn't leave her as I felt no need or urge to talk or...entertain.

BUT

Maybe she—

I'm not about to fuck my day up thinking about this.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing,"

"Okay," She said and I could tell she ain't believe me, but she was making no move to push, which I appreciated so fucking much, and it brought me ease—made me relax.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm high," She answered, smiling even though she didn't look at me as her gaze remained on the road ahead, while the quiet of the night circulated us. "You good?"

"Just hungry,"

"Imma get some food in you then get you back," She promised, and it brought me comfort as I looked ahead as well, enjoying the feeling of just sitting back and knowing she was gon do exactly what she said.

Not based on me wanting to blindly believe her.

But based on her consistency and her actions.

NOT ONLY WITH ME BUT THE CLUB

She was a woman of her word based on what I done seen.

In a type of way that made you want to rest your trust down in places you never planned on it ever being again. Yet here I was sitting in her car, not anxious because she made it hard to trust her, but anxious because she made it easy to. Here I was wanting her after I promised my mind I would never even think of wanting again, after I promised my heart to never place it in the position to even want.

HERE I WAS

In her car sitting in silence that dripped with a level of comfort that made it hard for you not to just lay down, and rest down the burdens of your guards—your walls, and I hated it. I hated how much I wanted this. How much I wanted to close my eyes and ignore my trauma just so I could believe her because I shouldn't want to...I should be playing it safe...and I have.

I HAVE

I had her jumping through hoops that the shaky could never make it through, so why was it so hard for me to accept that she made it through. To accept that she was on the other side just for me and nothing else.