WEAK SPOT [YEONBIN]

✃45✁

Soobin can hear the pulsing of his heart. Right there, right in his head. My chest.

He listens to the sounds of Yeonjun's footsteps, heading to the stairwell that leads upstairs.

The footsteps stop. Soobin closes his eyes, he exhales through his chest, mustering up the courage to face the older. Soobin would be pleased by the otherwise mature way Yeonjun is handling the current issue. However, being on this side was difficult. He knows it doesn't look good, lying about hanging out with Beomgyu, especially when said Beomgyu is the one who sparked my random hard on during the performance...

Soobin swallows down the bitter feeling rising up his throat.

This is bad.

Really bad.

This is awful. Soobin finally turns to look at the older properly. Yeonjun's standing, leaning against the base of the staircase, staring back at him.

Soobin feels his hands start to shake as he begins to walk forward. He knows Yeonjun likes it when he's scared, so Soobin doesn't try to hide it. He lets his hands fumble with each other in plain sight. Maybe I'll receive some mercy. Still, however, Yeonjun's eyes don't trail down to look at his trembling fingers. They remain on Soobin's face, meeting the boy's eyes whenever the younger glances up at him.

When he's close enough, Yeonjun turns and starts walking up the stairs. Soobin trails behind. Soobin hates it. I hate it.

This feeling. That I did something wrong. Here I am, supposed to support Yeonjun. But I'm making mistakes, I don't know what's happening.

Soobin remembers when he kneeled before the priest. When the man, hidden by a curtain, asked what brings you here.

Soobin froze. Completely.

In that moment, he realized. How much he needed to confess. How much of it he still doesn't understand.

It's too much. Soobin thought. How do I even begin?

That's how Soobin left. Without having said a word. Feeling repulsed at himself and by the very confines of that holy place.

How do I make this stop? Soobin thinks as he follows Yeonjun into his bedroom. How do I forgive myself.

Yeonjun sits down at the edge of his bed. He leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, his fingers tugging at the new lip ring he has in. Gold. Soobin focuses on the way it catches the light as he moves closer. Yeonjun doesn't look at him. Not until he's sat at a short distance away from him on the bed.

That's when Yeonjun's head turns, enough to catch Soobin's widened pupils.

They stay like that in silence.

Yeonjun's quiet. Unusually so, Soobin's brain supplies. Unusually so in conflicts like this...

The boy doesn't know if it's the calm before the storm. If Yeonjun's figuring out a way to punish him. Or maybe he's trying to keep his composure. Maybe he's actually trying to give this a shot.

Soobin prays for this thick silence between them to cease.

"I'm sorry-" Soobin croaks. "I don't know why I lied. I don't want to be a liar. I don't know why I did it." He says before looking away from Yeonjun's far away gaze.

"I'm sorry. You've been trying. I see it, Yeonjun. And, now I've- I've been messing up. I don't know what to do. I've never been like this before. I don't think I really know how to handle these changes..." Soobin pauses to make an exasperated motion with his hands, brows furrowed, "Being with you... and my dad gone."