WEAK SPOT [YEONBIN]

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Soobin smells the weed. From his bedroom.

It's cold, nighttime now. Outside the window is the dark, deep, blue sky. Soobin sits up in white pajamas. He counts the stars, very few, as he takes long and controlled breaths through his nose.

Yeah.

Definitely weed.

It's been so long. I thought he would never do it again.

Soobin's father has done a lot he's not proud of, but none of it has been something he's so against, something he warns Soobin about always. That's why it brings him the most shame.

He's feeling bad. I'm so sorry, dad. I'm so sorry.

Soobin has smelt weed a few times in his life. The first time he smelt, it reminded him much of right now. It was after Soobin was jumped at school.

He couldn't sleep, the little thing. The bandaged arm ached and itched. Soobin also smelt something pungent wafting from downstairs. It was the weed his father smoked during moments like this.

Soobin knows again why his father is smoking it. I wish he never saw. But after the reaction Soobin got in the dining room, he no longer regrets not mentioning Jowoon to him.

I wonder what it feels like. How it stings his throat? Would a mother- a wife scold him or leave him alone.? Should I scold him or leave him alone?

If I confronted him... will he ask me again to leave or look me in the eyes?

I wonder what it'd feel like. The smoke, the burn, the blissful effects of the aftermath.

Is it like an orgasm or better?

Is all I need is a joint between my lips to make me break this off with Yeonjun, Is that all it would take? What if I tried it, what could happen?

Is boredom a factor? Am I just bored... a melodramatic kid who's afraid of getting fucked. But bored, so pliant. Horny. Lovesick.

So stupid.

Has my dad had orgasms? Is he seeing other women? Is that why I've been more alone? Will I not feel alone when me and Yeonjun are... doing it?

Will it hurt?

Can Yeonjun be gentle?

Will things only get worse now, things must, it's because of what he saw. But, can I handle that? Is everyone this fragile or have I convinced myself that everyone sees me as weaker therefore I am...?

I let it happen.

But if that was true. True for everyone, then why is my dad the way he is behind his closed office door?

The weed, it's smell stains Soobin's pajamas and walls. It's as if his father stopped caring, walking freely in the living room with it now. Soobin is tempted to look.
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