WEAK SPOT [YEONBIN]

✃46✁

"Afraid?" Yeonjun scoffs, brows pinching together. Soobin swallows and nods. He can feel the older begin to dig his nails into the skin of his hip.

They stand there in Yeonjun's bedroom, facing each other. Yeonjun's hand feels scorching hot. He fights, fights, and fights the urge to dig his nails into Soobin's side.

"Baby, you should be the one afraid. But no, here you are," Yeonjun's smooth voice rings out like a velvet blanket held over Soobin's face, both soft and suffocating. "I am here before you," Soobin thinks. Here I am, close to you. I don't care if you're angry. Please do something.

I guess the desperation in Soobin's mind briefly reflects in his gaze, and Yeonjun's lip quirks up, not humorous by any means. He inches even closer. "Oh, you're just begging for it," Yeonjun's breath fans over Soobin's dry lips.

Soobin feels the air hit his skin and tilts his head in somewhat of a nod, doing his best to keep his eyes on Yeonjun's. However, it feels as if the older is melting him slowly with his stare. Soobin can't remember the last time Yeonjun looked at him like this. It was a mixture of familiar emotions he's experienced while with Yeonjun in the past, but... this was different. A mix of disdain and want in his eyes. It made Soobin's skin crawl.

"I've been trying not to hurt you," Yeonjun says, breaking the silence. "So I'm not going to have sex with you right now. Thats what you want, right? What you're begging me for?"

Soobin doesn't answer. He can't. He wants a lot of things, all of which could be achieved if Yeonjun were to ravish him now. Please do something, or I might claw at my own skin instead, is what Soobin would say if he were just a bit braver. Instead, he sucks in a steady breath, feeling it through his nose. "Why won't you?" Soobin asks, his voice sounding weaker than he wanted it to.

Yeonjun's other hand falls on the other side of Soobin's waist. Soobin can feel his eyes flutter at the touch, relief, a kind of serenity. That's all Soobin can taste as Yeonjun's grip on him tightens.

"Because," Yeonjun starts, his eyes flickering across Soobin's face. "You don't like it. You won't like it if I have sex with you now."

Soobin feels the pressure in his chest squeeze tighter and tighter, a soreness and heat surrounding his eyes.

"I deserve it," Soobin squeaks. But before Yeonjun can pry, Soobin continues, his arms drape around Yeonjun's shoulders. "And what if... what if you need it?" Soobin squeezes out. I want you, only you. But Soobin's guilt has become to consume him. I recognize it, I see it, in the way I couldn't get the idea of Yeonjun doing what I did to him—choosing someone else—out of my head. Even if it were for just a moment, even if it wasn't love, even if it was nothing. The thought was so painful that I stalked him, followed him like some freak all the way to school—what's wrong with me?

"What if you think of being with someone else because I'm not giving you what you need?" Soobin allows his thoughts to voice. Is that why I did it?

Yeonjun pauses, he has that look in his eyes, the full black. Soobin knows he's pondering something.

"I've been thinking the same," Yeonjun begins, allowing his nails to indent slightly on Soobin's skin. The comfort it brings is immediate. It allows for him to continue. "...since our last fight... When you were watching Beomgyu on stage, and I thought of the way he sometimes looks at you. And then I thought of your past. What if you leave me for some guy? What if you feel like you deserve something else or want something else from someone else?" Yeonjun says, his voice low. "Something I can't give you? Something that maybe I'm not capable of." His eyes, at some point, had left Soobin's, in favor of looking at the strip of skin revealed at Soobin's navel. Yeonjun strokes his thumb there, dragging it across Soobin's skin ever so slowly.

"I'm afraid of that," Yeonjun sighs. His eyes flicker up again to meet Soobin's. "Those thoughts, what I feel now, it makes me want to break you so bad no one else will put up with you. Only me," Yeonjun finishes.

Soobin's arms are unmoving around Yeonjun until they slowly slip away. Soobin pulls back, and Yeonjun lets him. Soobin moves back enough so Yeonjun's fingers lose the grip they had on his waist.

An airy chuckle falls from Yeonjun's lips.

"Still wanna fuck? Because trust me, I'm trying to be better for you and do all that shit you'd lecture me about. But I'm angry now, in my head and my chest hurts. You're the last person I could've thought of that would lie to me—and I sense that you've probably lied to me more than once recently. So, I'm not gonna do anything because- I can be uglier. Like you've never seen before. And maybe you do deserve it, but I know what the fuck is going to happen afterwards when your guilt fades away and you have to face me again in the morning."

"Yeonjun. I..."

"You've shunned me before, Soobin."

Soobin pauses. My dad's office. Yeonjun wearing his clothes. He recalls the time easily. Still, something bitter was riding up his throat, about to spill-

"D-Did you show Meg?" Soobin blurts out. He can see the way Yeonjun pauses, his chest moves in a tight exhale.

"What about her?"

Soobin panics, his brain short-circuiting. He didn't anticipate his intrusive thoughts to voice themselves, but here they were. "H-Has Meg seen... you? Is that why she's gone? I'm not like her..." He whispers the last part.

Yeonjun takes a moment before his head tilts, a slight nod. Soobin can see the way his eyes unfocus as he recalls Meg. Something nasty twists in Soobin's gut. A new thought begins to creep up on his mind. He couldn't help but feel that Meg may know a side to Yeonjun that Soobin has yet to see. Impossible, another thought chimes. But he's holding back now.

It's because he loves me.

He's trying not to hurt me.

But I want all of him to be mine.

When will I  feel like he's mine.?

"I wish you'd treat me how you want to. I'm giving you permission now. Take it before I change my mind. You can do whatever you want to me." Soobin says, a tremble in his lip. Yeonjun stares at him. Unblinking. Unmoving. "It makes me feel better," Soobin adds on, not fully understanding his own voice or what his words mean.

More silence fills the short space between them.

After a while,

Yeonjun scoffs.

"It would make me feel better too." He says.

Soobin looks at him. Yeonjun looks back.

After another tense pause, Yeonjun shakes his head, breaking contact. "I'm gonna go,"he mutters, hands twitching at his sides. Yeonjun raises one of them to press flat against his temple. "I'm gonna go cool down. I'll be back in an hour or two. Okay?"

Soobin's frozen, throat dry. He's leaving? He was about to—

But Yeonjun turns away from him and starts to head toward the door of his bedroom. Soobin watches his tall silhouette closely. He reaches the doorway but then pauses. He turns his body slightly so Soobin can make out his side profile.

"Oh, Soobin?"

"Yes?"

Yeonjun turns, his eyes locking onto the younger's. Soobin stands still in place.

"If you lie to me again about where you are or who you're with, I'm gonna believe that you're seeing someone else." He says, his calmer exterior breaks slightly, the emotions in his chest seeping into the dark tone of his voice.
Soobin feels himself run cold, the lingering warmth on his hips caused by Yeonjun's hands turns to ice.

"...and please be here when I get back. Okay?"

"Okay." Soobin whispers.