✓LOVER BOY | hwang hyunjin

56. Study Room Wishes

Yohan had fallen asleep two hours into the discussion. The time till his snores were made to hang in air had been professional. Now it was anything but it.

Hyunjin felt the blanket of silence jewel onto him heavily. He silently skimmed through practice problems and crooks of his handwriting, or a leak of ink. Anything to keep his head from picturing the girl in front of him.

Yeseul felt a bubbling chaos inside her rise. She contradicted all her actions. Deep down she longed for him. The miscommunication had pushed her into a cage. She realised how childishly she was acting, but there was hesitation to hold onto Hyunjin again. This time she wished for him to do all in his power to pull her closer. Maybe women were confusing. She breathed out the example that she had always held dislike for.

Hyunjin pushed back his glasses and  slowly he looked up. Eyes meeting Yeseul's for a second where he could see her silent adoration. He eased into it. The fleeting moment was like a spring day's sun. "These are correct."

Yeseul nodded. "I did pour my soul into it." Her answer was meant to come out spitefully but all it did was make Hyunjin fond of her even more. He hid his smile by a cough.

Yohan stirred in sleep. He stretched his arms, squinting at the two before the loudness of their stares snapped him to a straighter posture. He sheepishly smiled, dabbing at his mouth. "Sorry for that."

Hyunjin shook his head. He looked through Yohan's notes before passing them to him. "Would be more standard if you add a bit more work into the research section." Yohan blinked.

"No favouritism?"

"No."

"I'm off then." Yohan shoved the pages under his arm and sent a salute towards Yeseul before walking out of the door.

"Good night." Hyunjin's greeting was met with a slammed door. He sighed, hanging his head.

Yeseul was now aware of every movement she made. The breathing, the rustle of her notebook, the floor beneath her boots. Hyunjin could feel her nervousness. "How are you?" If this was where he could bring out the words from her he would do anything.

Silence.

Hyunjin felt a rising ache. "I'm sorry."

Yeseul blinked. She didn't expect this phrase to hit her with a washing emotion. There was a tenseness inside her that melted away.

Hyunjin drew his chair closer to hers, their knees almost touching. "You can curse me out if it heals something. But I am scared of your silence. It's too much."

Yeseul drew in a shaky breath. She fell in a trance. Her moving away from everyone to the other side of world and being on her own to study neuroscience. The loneliness that came along with it was heavier than ever. Sometimes it would seep so deeply into her that she couldn't see farther than the night. In those awful hours she felt a need to hear from Hyunjin. But mostly the replies came in when she had already gone through the worst. The scary thought of Hyunjin falling out of love would creep in her mind, and claw more hurt. She turned a blind eye towards it until she couldn't. Now she had taken a step of blocking him from her life just to have him standing in front of her with a wish that she didn't have the heart to reject.

"Say something." Yeseul closed her eyes. "Please." She felt Hyunjin's cold hands against her cheeks.

It wasn't difficult to tell him about her feelings. But there was something so raw about it — Something that made her feel like a loser, and the last thing she wanted was to be weak in Hyunjin's eyes. She didn't wish for love that sprouted from pity.

Yeseul opened her eyes to see sadness reflecting back at her. "I don't have anything to say."

His hand fell limp. Hyunjin's reply came out like a low hum. "Not one bit?"

"I should leave now." Yeseul stood up. Her heart desired for something different, but she pushed herself to own some pride. The more the time she spent with him the lesser she disliked him. She didn't need to see how soft love had turned her. Not yet.

"Yeseul." Hyunjin held her wrist, not letting go. Yeseul didn't protest either. The part where their skin touched felt warm. She looked over her shoulder to find tired eyes hanging in sadness. "Can you give me company for a few hours tonight?"

"No." She could say it. "What for?" She couldn't resist.

"Maybe a drink." A flower of hope bloomed in Hyunjin's heart.

"No." She could decline.

Long seconds passed, the hands stayed connected.

"I'll see."