Element [The Darkling]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

My ill temper had not changed since catching a quail and briefly eating in Raevsky's camp before we were given horses and moved on.

Trust yourself.

Trust him.

Great advice, Mother, truly.

More lies.

I took up the rear of the group, stewing alone in my bad mood while Alina rode ahead, Mal covering behind her from behind.

Tolya dropped back, letting his horse fall into step next to mine. "Why do you hate the royals so much?" Tolya questioned, cutting through the bullshit and jumping straight to the question that had been brewing on his mind since he probably first heard my dislike of them.

"He must not know. What his family's really like." I said, watching Nikolai ride next to Alina, wearing a smile despite the awkward silence and her pointedly looking anywhere but at him.

"What do you mean?" Tolya asked, confused.

"To act so flamboyant. He must not know what they do to-" I cut myself off, my temper rising, and grit my teeth in anger. "You knew?" I looked at him, wanting him to say it again. He nodded warily, and I looked dead ahead, irritation flashing through me. "You lied." I said simply.

He and I both knew those words carried more weight than just the few syllables spoken aloud. "Astrid." He said my name, but I refused to look at him. "I kept his secret for his safety. We were never going to hurt you. Everything Tamar and I said about him accepting us for who we are, it's true. He's a good person." I remained silent. "Look, I kept his secret because he asked me to. But if you came up to me and you asked me directly, I would've been honest with you."

I turned to look at him sharply, narrowing my eyes at him in disbelief. "And why the hell should I believe a word you say?" I demanded.

"Because I gave you my word, and that means something. Whether you believe it or not." Tolya replied. "I said I wouldn't hurt you. I said I would help you. I've done nothing but that since we first met."

"You wouldn't be the first person to keep a promise until it was no longer convenient, Tolya." I snapped harshly, and silence stretched between us for a moment. It was the harshest I'd ever spoken to him.

"I'm not him." Tolya said sternly, and I looked straight ahead as he spoke the firmest he'd ever been with me. He sighed heavily. "For the record, I don't understand your hatred, but I can see from the look on your face that it's about more than the Grisha being slaughtered." He said, and I swallowed thickly.

"Yes. It is. They almost never get their hands dirty. But when they do..." I trailed off, and Tolya looked at me worriedly. I felt sickened as I thought of what they put Genya through.

"Were you hurt?" He asked quietly, his voice thick with growing anger.

"No." I said, but refused to elaborate any further.