Element [The Darkling]

Chapter Twenty

To say I was angry would be... an understatement. I was angry. Scorned. Humiliated.

But I was also broken-hearted.

Every time I sensed him near me, every time I felt him brush up against me in the darkness as he moved around me, I was taken back to before I knew what he truly was.

The man he was when he was with me.

He said that it wasn't a lie. He said that it was real.

So was that man real? Was this monster just a facade? Or was he more complicated than that? Was he a man, and a monster?

I couldn't love a man like him, even if he was one who was cruel to everyone but me. Because he'd hurt me anyways. He couldn't seem to stop destroying everything he touched.

The other thing I felt was shame.

I did this, by trusting him. Ignoring the signs.

And my greatest shame... I still felt something for him.

Buried deep beneath the anger, the betrayal, the hate and the hurt, there was still an inkling of affection reserved for him.

And no matter how hard I tried, isolated in that tent, I couldn't get rid of it. Even now, I couldn't seem to scratch it out of me.

There was a moment when he took my hands in his, when he told me about Luda, how the Fold was an accident, that I wanted to hold him, and forget all of this happened. To pretend the world outside didn't exist.

And that... that was my greatest shame.

The skiff glided along the sand, cutting through the silence, drifting through darkness. "Can you feel them?" Kirigan asked Ivan, who stood behind us, searching for volcra heartbeats.

"No heartbeats yet, sir." Ivan replied. I looked around. We'd passed five markers already. What was he waiting for?

I reached across the darkness, my hand finding Alina's. She gripped it tightly, squeezing it, as if to check I was still there.

I heard volcra growling, and shifted. "They're coming." Alina whispered urgently.

"Yes." Kirigan replied calmly.

"I should just tear this down now." Alina snapped.

"And what can you really do on your own?" Kirigan replied cuttingly, holding up his hand, showing us the piece of the stag still inside of him.

"So the plan was to feed us to the volcra, then?" I questioned, and he looked at me.

"I said I wouldn't hurt you." He replied, looking out into the Fold.

"And you're as deaf as you are delusional, because I've already told you, it's far too late for that." I shot back.

"Just let me tear it down!" Alina insisted.