Element [The Darkling]

Chapter Sixteen

Cold.

All I felt was cold. There was nothing.

There had to be nothing.

I kept all of my energy focused on keeping my heartbeat steady as I re-entered Aleksander's chambers. Playing the broken mind might have to be the way to go. If Aleksander cared, or if it was a lie, he would let me.

It would keep me safe from Ivan.

The Heartrender stood against the wall, and the way he looked at me, I knew he didn't like me. It made sense. Only a delusional fool would think that I would choose the Black Heretic over my sister. Even if Aleksander had made me fall for him.

At the sound of my footsteps, Aleksander looked up from his chair, his eyes softening when he saw me. "Astrid," His voice was so gentle. Before, it would make me melt. Now, it grated against my ears. "Leave us. Close the door." He said immediately to Ivan, who nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

"At sundown I'm taking a team to pursue the criminals who took Alina." Aleksander told me. "How are you feeling?" He asked, worried, still sitting in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees.

I couldn't tell what was the truth, and what was the lie.

"I'm going with you."

"Astrid-"

"This isn't about you or me, or..." I trailed off uncomfortably.

"Us?" Aleksander asked. I ignored the feeling telling me to run and walked closer to him, stopping right in front of him. I forced myself to cup his cheek in my hand. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch.

I felt sick, because a part of me still enjoyed the feeling of his skin on mine.

"It's about her." He opened his eyes, staring up at me. "If anyone can find her, it's me." I insisted. I had to play the part. "Now you can let me go with you and protect me, or leave me behind and go gray while you're gone wondering how I broke out and if I'm still alive, because we both know I'll break out." I added pointedly.

He stared up at me with wonder, before he smiled. He reached up and tucked a strand of black hair behind my ear. I wanted to change it.

I wanted to go back to red and forget all about him.

"Did you tell me everything?" I blurted, and he cocked his head to the side, confused. Damn my mouth.

"What do you mean?" He asked. I ran my hand through his hair, trying to save myself and maintain the lie.

"This can't work... we can't work unless you're honest with me. Did you tell me everything?" I asked him. Our gazes met intensely.

This was it. The moment of truth. His chance to tell me his side of the story.

"Everything you need to know."

Disappointment filled me, and I couldn't hide it. I was a good liar, but he always managed to see right through me. I turned to leave.