crying. absolutely crying. i'm going to hate myself for this but i'm sick and tired of people telling me "it's not that bad. it's fake." when i say i don't wanna watch a movie or smth.
AS YOU SHOULD KNOW
i have a very very very big fear of v*
(it's called emetophobia)
i cant stand the sound, the smell, the taste, the feeling, the sight. it's a no more me.
there was this one time where i was rlly warm and i was standing for a long period of time and i went rlly faint. but i also did not feel great. i felt sick (scary) and i was so scared that i might v* that i 'collapsed' into my chair, having a panic attack. i was so scared of what might happen that i was crying, lying on the floor with a numb face (due to the panic attack)
thankfully nothing happened but i was terrified. and this happened not even a year ago...
i have a very difficult time watching new things with other people which is why i usually say no when they ask to watch smth i've never watched before. i cant rlly explain why but like yeah. there's a list of things i have to watch on my own or with someone who actually understands and these are just some of them:
- dear evan hansen (yes ik i rave abt this all the time bc it's just so good but evan does v* twice)
- wednesday (episode 3)
- mean girls (i haven't watched it yet bc i'm building up the courage)
- do revenge
- stranger things (i barely got through the first season so i gave up and haven't wat he's more since)
- the last 2 or 3 (can't remember) twilight movies (the only reason i watched the first ones in the first place was bc i went through a phase we're i was watching cringy movies. eg. divergent)
- harry potter 2 + 6 (slugs are DISGUSTING and mixed with v* no thanks. and that scene at slughorn's party with cormac has me crying. not in a fun way)
i cant stand it when ppl gag either DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY AND PANIC? i also don't understand why ppl fake gag. like. just stop. when i was younger i went to camp (i sound old) and this girl kept fake gagging to most likely get attention. i literally sat at the furthest table and smo had to tell her to stop.
people who say "oh i cant just skip it i know where it is" SORRY BUT I DONT TRUST YOU. LIKE I LOVE YOU BUT I DONT TRUST YOU. (this is where my trust issues come to play) or if they are like "just look away" NO I CANT JUST LOOK AWAY I CAN STILL HEART IT. i hid in someone's bathroom for a whole party scene (10 things i hate abt you) it was my first time watching it but i know that parties never end with someone super healthy and not drunk so yeah :D
as much as that sounds like a super power, it's not fucking fun. my stomach gets absolutely jumbled bc of the anxiety and my hands get sweaty and start to shake real bad...
do not recommend that you have emetophobia :D
did you know that we were born with only two natural fears: falling and loud sounds. the rest we 'made'
anyways
now i'm going to cry myself to sleep
or not sleep at all.
bc i'm traumatized. (yes when i'm scared of v* this happens. i have shitty sleep.)
anyways
MWAH
KISSES AND CROISSANTS 💋 🥐
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thoughts of me and you
Randomdo you ever feel like nobody can hear you? do you ever want to just let something out? do you ever want to say something completely random but think that nobody cares? i care. there's going to be a lot of grammar, spelling mistakes bc i don't give m...
