thoughts of me and you

56. 🦋b u t t e r f l i e s🦋

*breathes heavily* 

hi O.o 

here's an update on my love life: 

ahem. 

holy fuck. i'm fucking screaming. 

we hung out on saturday right? like. the whole day. we went shopping and then dinner. this man. he knows i love reading. he knows i LOVE fictional people. he also knows i hate those moving stairs, escalators. THIS MAN. whenever we went on those escalators, he- (i can't even say it lmao. i blush. gimme a sec.) HEFUCKINGHELDMEBYMYWAIST. 

my heart isn't prepared for this- 
it's beating so fast rn- 

he was like "why'd your eyes widen?" i was S P E E C H L E S S. "do you get butterflies?" yes, sir, i did 🤭. i didn't actually say that so i was like "i got butterflies" and pointed to my pants cuz they got butterflies on them. 

HAWEUOW&YTQW(#BNEGMLIQ(#<TMSNDG(HSGWEIM UWNS  TWET>LWP#&N W*#%  :W*YQ@T&!&UT WYTTT  M%U(*#Y% TUT UWTMY TT TYWWU# @98 YT%U@%RUHG E 

also. holding my hand. hello? OMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF 

he told me (his words not mine) that he "will fold" if i held his arm with both my hands. so. guess what i did? :P 
AUFHA FNI RHNQWRQ HKEGJ GHEGIHUGHNSGDHGH 
ehehehhehhehehh 
i held his arm with both my hands 
also 
before y'all go off and say "that's not nice" he told me to and said "i bet you won't" so i did :P 

also. he always asked. like if i was okay with him putting his arm around me. i'm screaming- 

and whenever there were a lot of people, he'd hold my hand tight so that he wouldn't lose me.  

OMG 
ALSO 
THIS- THIS MAN 
HE MADE ME LOOK SOMEWHERE RIGHT (my brain didn't work so i was stupid) AND HE- HE- HE LEGIT MADE ME LOOK AT HIM WITH THAT LIKE CHIN THING 
IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT 
HOPEFULLY YK WHAT I MEAN RIGHT? 
like he made me look like to the side (away from him) and then he like brought my gaze back to him- 
HGSHWINSDHINDGSHGD 

it was also like -15 degrees and he gave me his scarf (i didn't wear a great shirt for the weather but it was cute so :P) 
and like 
when we were waiting outside for public transit, he like 'protected me' from the cold (his hugs are great y'all-) 

omg. 
i nearly forgot. 
OOP- 
ok so if ya didn't know i have ✨a n x i e t y✨ and for some reason it acted up during dinner (i don't like eating so that might be why. i also didn't want him to judge my eating so maybe that's why- ANYWAYS) he. put. his. hand. on. my. leg. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH. cuz it was bouncing right cuz like yeah. but like he was like "i just want you to feel okay"  
and it wasn't like thigh leg (not yet no thanks) but like my knee or like a bit above my knee and he did the same thing on the public transit. 

ALSO 
WHEN HE HELD MY HAND 
HE SOMETIMES JUST LIKE GENTLY LIKE RUBBED HIS FINGER (sounds weird lmao-) ON LIKE MY SKIN/HAND AS LIKE A LITTLE SIGN ON COMFORT 

oh yeah. 
about the waist thing. 
it wasn't just like walking around with his arm/hand there 
he legit pulled me closer like face to face by my waist 
HOLY FUCK THE BUTTERFLIES WERE INSANE 

also guys  
ha ha funny story 
we nearly got kicked out of a store bc we were trying out couches 
but like 
i sat and then he sat next to me and like kinda leaned his head on my shoulder 
(i'm whispering this. his hair. was so soft. omg- and like curly- ehhehehhe) 

ALSO 
HAS ANYBODY READ THE INHERITANCE GAMES???????? 
one of his friends told him that he looked and/or acted like jameson hawthorne.  
i nearly fainted fr- 
i  L O V E  jameson 
it's so funny tho cuz he keeps asking me "am i better than jameson" AHFINASINWGRGFGDS 

also. i. love. suits. 
this man. whenever i do smth stupid (like go over to the formula 1 section and say i want to buy every single mclaren shirt) he says "suit" i just legit stop. I LOVE SUITS. THEYRE SO ATTRACTIVE. 

S I G H 

also. i know what you guys are gonna ask. (or at least juliette *cough cough*) "did you kiss? are you dating?" 
no 
and no 
1) i've never actually kissed anyone and i'm scared also neither of us actually made the move or even confessed our feelings 
2) i've also never dated and i'm scared of that too and just like i said two seconds ago, neither of us confessed our feelings 

so what have we learned? 
1) pulling me closer by the waist gives me INTENSE butterflies 
2) i love hand holding 
3) i should always hold his arm with two hands 
4) we aren't dating. 

ALSO 
THIS ISNT RELATED TO SATURDAY 
BUT LIKE 
ITS RELATED TO HIM 
SOMEHOW (don't ask how. i truly don't know.) 
WE FUCKING GOT TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WANT AT OUR WEDDINGS- 
WHAT? HOW? HUH? WHY? i don't know. 
i said i wanted bubbles and white fireworks even tho loud noises give me anxiety (it doesn't make sense. i know.) i also want all my bridesmaids to wear the same colour but different shades 
he asked abt the groom and the exact words i said were "ben barnes" 
i die. 
WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY???????????????????? 

i'm a bit sad tho 
cuz like 
you know how we work together? 
he said he'd quit by the spring time 
i know it's stupid bc i can always text, call, hang out with him but still 
bye bye fun sunday shifts :( 

ANYWAYS 
oh yeah 
he's coming to see my play. wearing a suit. with roses. (i'm a sucker for roses. i don't care that they're a 'basic flower' they're so fucking beautiful.) 

also. 
yk what's funny? 
i'll be his age for like two months (not even) and then it'll be his birthday 
love that- 

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't scared of what would happen in the future- 
truth be told. i'm TERRIFIED. 

also 
while we are speaking about boys and men 
i gotta say 
my sister and her boyfriend are honestly so cute together- 
tee hee :) 
like- 
yk how some couples just look/act/feel icky together? and some are just so cute? yeah. they're so cute. 

i honestly don't know how i'd act/react/reply if this boy asked me to be his girlfriend. hopefully i still have some time to think about it for now. (or it won't happen at all and i'd be worrying for nothing :P) 

anyways 
sorry for how disorganised this rant is- 
i can never tell a good consistent story, my mind always latches onto another thought or completely forgets smth- 
it might be a problem- 

i love you guys so much. 
please sent help. 

what is one thing you wish to achieve in 2024? 
(doesn't have to be big) 
----> 

MWAH 
KISSES AND CROISSANTS 💋🥐 

ALSO. 
I'M SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED CONNECTING SINCE 2023 T-T 
I PROMISE IM TRYING IM JUST LACKING SO MUCH AND I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO 
I PROMISE ONCE IM ABLE TO PUNCH OUT THE NEXT CHAPTER I WONT EVEN WAIT FOR MIDNIGHT. ILL HIT THAT PUBLISH BUTTON RIGHT AWAY.  
I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH 
MWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH