thoughts of me and you

57. my first kiss?

HI
if you're here you either

1) got the notification
2) came here from reading my short story
3) are stalking me because you love me <3

ANYWAYS
WELCOME TO THE TEA SESSION WHERE I SPILL THE TEA ABOUT MY FIRST KISS WHICH I HAD AT 8:20-ish at night on February 1st, 2024

first things first:
me and THE BOY have been talking since December :)
it is currently february-

ANYWAYS
tea. ☕️
IT IS HOT. (imma copy and paste the first bits from the notes at the end of my short story chapters btw-)

so :))))
I was about say "guess who's not a virgin anymore" by accident-
IM STILL A VIRGIN GUYS. DONT WORRY.
what I mean to say is GUESS WHOSE LIPS ARE NO LONGER VIRGIN
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I had my first kiss
on February 1st, 2024 (why is that actually perfect-)

ITS BEEN LIKE MORE THAN FIVE HOURS SINCE IT HAPPENED AND I STILL GOT BUTTERFLIES
(I can't sleep-)

also. my spotify won't connect from my laptop-
BUT THAT ISNT IMPORTANT
imma tell my sister soon but I'm honestly scared to see/hear her reaction
idk if I should text or call her

SHOULD I TEXT OR CALL MY SISTER TO TELL HER I HAD MY FIRST KISS?
---->

who here has had their first kiss?
---->

OH YEAH
also
I had like my play performance and guess who came
THE BOY
and he gave me roses (my favourite flowers) RED ROSES
but now I'm rewinding time bc need I remind you: we kissed 🤭

anywayssssssssssssss
today was a shit day until... well... the obvious

ok. (yes I'm still talking about it)
originally, I was supposed to get a ride home with my friend but then some other things were arranged and she went with two other coworkers and I went with THE BOY (for those who don't know already or forgot, me and THE BOY are coworkers)
ANYWAYS

he drove me home right (it was like a 15 min drive) AND AND AND get this HIS HAND. WAS ON. MY THIGH. hello butterflies
I was also wearing a skirt (aka my fav article of clothing... lucky boy) NOTHING GROSS GUYS. IM NOT LIKE THAT... i'd like to think I'm not a whore... am I a whore? T-T

ANYWAYS
he parked like by my house and I for real thought he was gonna kiss me in the car-
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH he's so cute-
UM

anyways
he like parked the car and I was actually fidgeting so much-
also. before I continue. i had a shit day. i had to start smth new and it's always overwhelming and I had two mini panic attacks AND to top it all off, I got my period earlier than I expected. i also went straight from campus to work to a very noisy dinner (NOT FUN. DO NOT RECOMMEND)
BUT GUESS WHO MADE IT ALL BETTER
THAT BOY.

except... i like went to the bathroom during dinner and apparently ppl asked if me and him were dating (at this point in time we haven't even rlly kissed... only head kisses) and like it kinda triggered my anxiety for some reason

then after the driving home situation, I honestly couldn't care less if I drove with my friend or him bc I was just rlly tired (still am)
so then I just went with him (he's also a better driver-)
THIS WAS PROBABLY THE BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE. holy fuck. I've never been happier.
through the whole drive we listened to musical theatre tunes and we talked and he kept his hand on my thigh (mind you: my thighs are rather large due to all the sports I did and probably genetics, I'm kind of mildly insecure abt them but his hand was comforting)

anyways we got home and stood in front of my front door and like I hugged him (mind you, he's like 6'4" and I'm like 5'4") and he kept giving me kisses on like my head, temple, NECK (HELLO?) and like all the cute places. i told him the night before that I didn't rlly like being kissed on the cheek but he's like "can I try? if you don't like it, I won't do it again" I said yes bc I was low key kinda curious too... HOLY FUCK. I LOVED IT. i died. i literally fell into him-
we stood outside for a good half an hour-

I HAVE BUTTERFLIES JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS
he pushed me up against the wall-
HES SO BOOK CODED
HES LITERALLY A FICTIONAL MAN.
i want matching wallpapers with him but I think it's so cheesy T-T

anyways
he love a man who asks before he kisses you
AFNHAICRIGRFHSAYRTCAINWRVBW
we kissed like three times-
they weren't short kisses but they also didn't take hours-
I GOT SO MANY BUTTERFLIES RN-
I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tn-

anyways
later
like
over text he told me that he has wanted to kiss me since like mid-december (we got bubble tea after work) and then he said he had dreams about kissing me after he took me out on like an actual outing

after we kissed, and I was inside, I kept saying "holy fucking shit" and could barely walk up the stairs-
I WAS SWOONING

he told me he jumped around after I went inside
he's such a cutie :)

IM SORRY IF IM RANTING TOO MUCH
I JUST NEED TO WRITE IT ALL OUT
I DONT CARE IF YOU READ THIS OR NOT

also. if ya didn't know (side eye) my favourite musical is newsies and he was like "we can like hang out one day in our pajamas and cuddle while we watch newsies. and kisses" I was so fucking down. my favourite musical with my favourite boy? yes please.

also
he doesn't like it when I don't eat-
which might be a problem... bc I don't eat-
but he's cute when he cares so I eat sometimes a lil bit to make him happy (I should probably talk to my therapist abt this-)

ANYWAYS
...
:D
I'm rlly happy rn-
I got so many butterflies-
it's not even funny- I'm about to explode-

anyways...
I'm sorry for ranting T-T
I'm just rlly excited (in case ya couldn't tell-)

MWAH
kisses and croissants  💋🥐

same day edit:
idk if he's gonna ask me to be his gf as a birthday present (my birthday is feb 22) or on feb 14 (valentine's day)
I hope it's not feb 14 ngl cuz I hate north America and it's stupid valentine's day
but low key
I'll just be happy that he can be mine
lmao- imagine he doesn't wanna date me-
I CANT BELIEVE IM STILL BEING DELULU

same day edit 2:
I told him that I kept thinking that I was reading too much into it so that if I did end up being wrong, it wouldn't hurt that much...
I've been called delusional SO many times by MANY different people
he also called me delusional-
IM SO GLAD I WAS WRONG-