CHAINS

Chapter 20

WARNING!

CONTAINS EXPLICIT WORDS AND SEXUAL SCENES NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG AND NOT OPEN-MINDED READERS. DO NOT REPORT. PLEASE!

Alas nuwebe na ng umaga nang kumain kami ng agahan. Bakit ngayon pa?! Bakit ngayon pa tinanghali ng gising si Asher? He usually wakes up at 6 am and if he's not beside me, he'll come looking for me.

Ashton never stopped kahit na ilang beses akong nagmakaawang tumigil na siya. Well, he did stop to catch his breath pero 5 minutes max lang yun. He only really stopped when Asher came knocking on the door. Pagod na pagod ako at masakit ang buong katawan ko, especially my private part. I don't know what time ako ginising ni Ashton kanina but seven thirty naman ng kumatok si Asher.

Gusto ko nanamang umiyak pero pilit kong pinipigilan ang sarili ko. What if may mabuo nanaman tulad ng dati? I can't have two kids now. I don't want to subject another baby into this life. Magulo ang mga magulang.

"Mummy? Are you okay? You're not eating your food." Asher asked.

Tiningnan ko siya at pilit na ngumiti. "I'm okay, love."

Tumango naman si Asher bago nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

Bumaling ako kay Ashton. He was grinning proudly.  Magkatabi kaming dalawa at ang isang kamay ay nakapatong sa isang hita ko. Umusbong ang galit at pagkamuhi sa dibdib ko at pilit na inaalis ang kamay niya. I was only wearing my robe. I don't have anything under. And so is Ashton. Even if i wanted to put my clothes on, wala talaga akong kalakas lakas. Every movement made me wince in pain.

"Stop it, Ashton! " Saway ko sa kanya.
He just chuckled before his hand went higher. Malakas ko namang tinapik ang kamay niya pero hindi niya parin iyon tinatanggal.

Kahit naiiyak ako sa pambabastos niya ay hindi ko nalang pinahalata. Asher is just a few feet away at ayokong makita niyang nag aaway kami ng daddy niya.

"Come here." Utos ni Ashton sa akin pero hindi ko siya pinansin.  Masakit ang katawan ko. Every movement is very painful.

Lumapit pa siya sa akin at bigla akong binuhat na parang ang gaan gaan ko. He placed me on his lap  and encircled his arms around my waist. He started caressing my stomach. 

He sniffed my hair and then whispered. " you smell just like me. "
I wanted to scream so loud and spit at his face. I feel like I'm in a cage and I'm being suffocated.
"I want you again,  love" bulong niya sa akin na may kasamang pagpisil sa hita ko.

Nanindig ang balahibo ko sa buong katawan. Naiiyak na naman ako. Masakit na masakit ang katawan ko at alam kong walang makakapigil kay Ashton kapag ginusto niya.

He's a monster.

He inhaled the scent on my neck before licking me there.
"I want to fvck you until you're fvcking sore. I'll fvck you so hard you won't be able to walk for weeks." Bulong niya ulit sa tenga ko. This time, his hands went under my robe and reached my private part and inserted two digits. Napapitlag ako at pilit na inaalis ang kamay niya.

"No!" I whispered back while looking at Asher na busy sa pagkain. My tears wanted to burst but i held it all back dahil kay Asher.

Gusto kong maglupasay at umiyak nang umiyak.
It took me years to finally get my self respect back and now, unti unti na namang winawasak ni Ashton iyon.

Three years ago..

Lantang lanta ako dahil halos maghapon akong nag ayos ng apartment namin ni Asher. Bagong lipat lang kami dahil hindi ko na kaya pang tumira sa bahay na kasama si Ashton.

At first ayos lang talaga siya. He was always with me during my whole pregnancy. Nandyan siya lagi sa umaga at babalik naman sa sariling bahay niya sa gabi.

He was never the fun person pero naappreciate ko naman ang mga maliliit na bagay na ginagawa niya. Like buying the foods i craved for kahit hating gabi na at malayo pa ang bahay niya sa akin. Like massaging my feet kapag namamanas ako.
Kahit minsan lang siya magsalita, i felt his concern for me at sa baby namin. I knew he was going to be a great father.

Sometimes, nagdi daydream ako na magkakagusto siya sakin at magpapakasal kami. Na mabibigyan ko ng masaya at buong pamilya ang anak ko katulad ng naranasan ko nung bata pa ako.

I wanted the best for my baby.
And I wanted Ashton to be with us every step of the way. I thought I loved him even though he was always cold. Pero umasa akong magiging maayos ang lahat sa amin.

But everything changed when little by little, i saw who he really is.

It all started three months after i gave birth.

I saw what he can do when his mad. And he was always mad at me for reasons unknown. Basta lahat ng ginagawa ko ay mali sa kanya. I realized that he was just holding back before because i was pregnant with his baby. He was just tolerating my presence because i was carrying his child.

One time, naabutan niyang iyak ng iyak si baby Asher. Kahit na anung gawin ko nun ay ayaw talagang tumigil ni baby Asher.
Karga karga ko noon si baby at pilit na pinapatahan ng bigla Niya nalang agawin sa akin si Asher at tinulak ako sa sahig.

I was dumbfounded. Hindi agad ako nakagalaw at kitang kita ko sa mga mata niya ang galit.

Hindi ko alam kung panu kami nagpansinan ng mga time na yun pero simula nun ay paunti unti nang lumalabas ang ugali niya. When Asher was 5 months old, dun na siya tumira sa bahay. Simula nun, lagi na kaming nag aaway.  He would always resort to violence kapag napupuno na siya. He would always push me to the floor, grip my jaw, violently grab my arms, verbally abuse me, threat me , fvck me until i lose my conciousness. Nakaka baba ng respeto sa sarili.  i just had enough.

Hindi ko na kinaya ang ugali niya. Lahat nalang ng ginagawa ko mali. Ang gusto niya lagi siya ang masusunod. At kapag di ko naman siya susundin, idadaan na naman niya ako sa marahas na paraan. Sa pagwawala niya at pagbabasag ng mga gamit. Sa pananakit sa akin.

He would humiliate me every chance he get. He would fvck me everywhere. Kahit nasa labas kami, kapag frustrated siya sa akin, he would drag me somewhere hidden and then would force himself on me. Asher was a baby and all i could do was take everything.

I didn't have anyone. No friends and relatives to turn to.

My self respect was fading and all i felt  was i was so worthless. But i endured all that. I kept quiet.
I thought kapag pinakisamahan ko siya, kapag tiniis ko lahat nang ginagawa nya at lahat ng mga nangyayari sa paligid ko, magiging okay na kami at maitatama ko na ang pagkakamali ko sa mga magulang ko. Na kahit ngayon lang ay may nagawa akong tama.

Akala ko kapag sakaling kinilala ko ng husto ang ama ng anak ko, baka magbago na siya at magiging maayos na kami. I hoped that we'd end up getting married for Asher.

Pero isang malaking pagkakamali din pala ang desisyon ko na iyon dahil never nagbago si Ashton. Mas lumala pa nga.

Nakakapagod na. Nakakapagod nang matakot sa araw araw. Nakakapagod nang magtiis. Nakakapagod nang umiyak at umasa na magiging maayos din ang lahat.

At ngayon nga, nagkaroon na ako ng lakas ng loob na umalis sa toxic na sitwasyon na iyon after 3 years na pagtitiis.

I promised myself that i will never go back to that kind of woman again. I need to redeem myself. I need to earn my self respect again.

But now, parang bumabalik na naman ako sa dati.

"Please..." I pleaded him to stop what he was doing. I looked at his eyes and then transfered my gaze to our son na walang kamalay malay sa ginagawang kababuyan ng kanyang ama sa akin. As if telling him not to do it in front of our son.
"Mhhh... Later then." He said before withdrawing his fingers inside me. He then put it in his mouth and i heard him suck it.
Gusto kong umiyak. I felt so disgusting. Nandidiri ako sa sarili ko.
I don't know if i was gonna stay sane if Ashton is going to stay in our lives.

*****
Had to post this dahil i think next month or next year ko na itutuloy ang story na to. Very busy na sa life.
Hope you enjoy reading. Although ang sarap bugbugin ni Ashton, tiis-tiis muna Molly. Magiging masaya ka din.😉