Chalant Candlelight

Chapter 37

(Robin's POV)

I don't know what Zatanna's problem is, what am I supposed to do? cry? does she know who raised me? I'd personally rather get hit by a bus than talk about my emotions, let alone show them? I'll see you at the bus stop. I've never been open about my emotions probably because of the life I lead, whether at home with Bruce or on the field when I'm Robin. Maybe I was more emotionally open when Bruce first took me in but since he raised me, I don't think my heart works like a normal person.

What did I fear about opening up to Zatanna? Losing her. Even if I seem cold I don't for a second try and trick myself into thinking she doesn't own my whole heart, mind, and body. And as much as I try and pull away and try to get over her, I've already fallen head over heels for her. But I feared if I showed my vulnerability and if she held all my secrets, how long until she leaves me? how long until she's disgusted by me? How long until she wishes she never knew me? How long until the mysterious persona is all washed away by intimacy and she's left staring at the ugly carcass that I am? Will she still love me, even then, chard skeleton and rotten flesh?

I entered the gathering an hour late because Wally had to give me another dose and I had a bad reaction. He came to the party when it started but not too long after he had arrived he called me waking me off the bathroom floor. I had suffered a memory and collapsed, I probably would have been on the floor all night if he hadn't called.

I got up off the floor and attempted to take a shower again. This time I got out without hitting the floor. I changed into causal covering clothes and my domino mask which I felt more comfortable in than shades when I was just at the mountain.

I walked in on them all talking and laughing when they slowly stopped turning to look at me. They eventually all one by one went back to their conversations except Wally who stared a little, asking with his eyes if I was okay, to which I nodded, he took my word and continued to talk to Conner and Zatanna while I made my way to Magan who was making things perfect with streamers,

"Robin, get some food!" She smiled at me,

"I'm not hungry," I say, it was rare that I could stomach food anymore without throwing it up when my shaking took over more than just my hands,

"Really?" She looked down at me from where she was hanging streamers,

"Really," I nod, smiling up at her softly.

"Robin, do you think the Flash would beat Green Lantern?" Conner asked drawing me into the new conversation that had started between him, and Zatanna. Wally had gone to the food table to stuff his face more and make small talk with Magan. Artemis and Kalder were twenty minutes into a deep conversation about Atlantian (the sea city) politics and how they affect the rest of the world,

"Why? Are they fighting?" I ask, a little absent-minded, chemically,

"No, but if they did," Zatanna clarified talking to me as if we didn't have a kiss and fight like five hours ago,

"That's a difficult one, it's hard to picture them fighting over anything?" I scratch my chin before quickly bringing my hands back down hoping no one could tell how much my hands shook, "Is it a fight with a rule book?"

"No, just a straight-up street fight," Zatanna answered, I looked at her for a second too long, before blinking awkwardly and turning my attention to Conner so she couldn't see the hearts in my eyes for her. As if she could see my eyes, I was wearing a mask -stupid,

"Um," I clear my throat, "I assume they are allowed to use their powers?"

"Yes," Conner nods. I looked around to make sure Wally couldn't hear me,