Chalant Candlelight

Chapter 60

(Zatanna's POV)

He was protecting me. It hurt to think that he thought that we could break up. It hurt to think he thought that way but I understood him. So why did I do it?

"I want to go slow I don't want you to regret it if we don't work out," The words replayed in my mind seconds after he said them. In a flash, I felt this horrid burning fire in my mind and my sight went red. 

Before I could pull myself out of it my hand stung. I blinked and the redness left my sight. Robin sat there his head turned to the side. His jaw hanging slightly open. His hand slowly and shakily lifted to cover his cheek where I left a burning handprint. I just slapped him. I just slapped him for insinuating that we might not be together forever, am I crazy? The scary thing is...I don't even remember doing it. Why did I do it? After all, he was only trying to protect me from making what he thought to be a mistake. Seconds after my vision cleared I immediately grabbed his shoulders, scooting closer and closer,

"I am so sorry, I am so sorry," I apologized profusely, as his teary eyes made their way back to mine, "Robin, I really am so sorry-" I should tell him, I should tell him about my anger, I should tell him I can't control it. I looked into his eyes, something was off, they were distant and glazed, and he didn't look like himself, "Please, I am so sorry-" I said before his lips immediately made contact with mine. He kissed me passionately and I was taken aback. Before I even knew what was going on or could get any sort of answers he leaned me back kissing down my jaw and neck down my chest and to my stomach. I look down confusedly at his face. I saw tears coating his closed eyelashes. His body was trembling. It didn't take much longer of watching him kiss my body with teary eyes and hold my hips to realize he was forcing himself to,

"Oh." I gasped at the realization, "Oh shi-" I sat up fast, grabbing his face to lift it up to face mine. But he took my hand kissing the inside of my wrist,

"Robin," I tried to get his attention when he started kissing me on the lips again, "Robin stop," I pulled him away, and he reluctantly did as I said, sitting back on his knees,

"I thought this is what you wanted? This will make you stop hitting me right?" He said tearfully, still trying to kiss me, his lips coming to my shoulder as he pulled me in by my waist, "I'll do anything you want, please just don't hit me again," his soft words against my neck made my stomach drop and my heart sank in my chest. He was trying to appease me and give me what I wanted to stop me from being violent. That must have been why he kissed me earlier at his trailer in his confusion. But now he was completely in a trance, "just stop being mad, I promise, I'll do what you want me to,"

"No Robin, it's my fault, I shouldn't have hit you, please stop. I don't want it from you if you're forcing yourself to do it." I pull him away by his shoulders and finally, I see clarity come back into his mind and his defense mechanism shuts down. I see the real Robin again. He stares at me for a second, his mind coming back to him before covering his mouth. He jumped up from my bed, tripping his way into the bathroom as he vomited into the toilet.

~~~~~

Thirty minutes passed, and I was sitting against the wall my hand thirdly holding his hair as he kept having vomiting convulsions every two minutes, it was just liquid after the first few rounds. The last two rounds had a small but concerning amount of blood in them, but I was just hoping we were nearing the end of the vomiting,

"I'm sorry," he wiped his mouth with the cloth I gave him, he was now desperately dazed by the ordeal,

"I should be apologizing, I'm the one who sent you into an episode," I hung my head,

"I'm fine," he turned to me with a small smile, obviously not fine. He stood up holding the wall for support before brushing his teeth and swishing mouthwash, not able to look at his own paled reflection in the mirror,

"I'll go bring you some water," I leave him in the room. The second I close the door I collapse into tears, holding myself. What have I done? I don't even remember doing it. I'm a monster. How could I do this to him? He probably never wants to see me ever again.

 I return to my room taking a deep breath before entering in. Robin was under the covers waiting, he looked cozy and comfortable. I bring him the water and he quickly drinks it. He hands it back for me to put on my side table. I contemplate whether I should sleep on the floor or go to Artemis's room for the night. Before I could do anything, he lifted the covers up for me to get under. His expression was completely blank from the exhaustion. I take my place next to him on the bed we both lie staring at the ceiling. I honestly thought it was the end for us because of my anger and his trauma. I could easily see him never wanting to see me ever again, but here I was, lying beside him,

"Let's just take it slow okay?" He turned on his stomach, his arm crossing over my waist as he laid his head on my chest and snuggled into me,

"Okay." I choked out. Stroking his hair with my hand, How could he still love me after I hurt him?

(Robin's POV)

How could she still love me after my trauma?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I jolted awake but stayed still after. My arm is wrapped around Zatanna's waist. my chest and hips lined up with her back and hips. She jostled a little after I had jolted but settled just as quickly,

"you alright?" She asked not opening her eyes as she remained in her sleeping position, assuming I had had another nightmare,

"Yeah, go back to sleep," I said near her ear, giving it a kiss over her hair. I heard her smirk a little before snuggling back more into me. I know I shouldn't be here. I know she's too good for me but I want to stay in her warmth even if I get burned. We both settled back to sleep and forgot our worries.