Chalant Candlelight

Chapter 53

(Robin's POV)

Robber, left hook.

Robber, right hook.

Robber, uppercut.

Another robber, spin kick, curb stomp.

Grapple, swing, grapple, swing, falling, crashed into a dumpster, grapple, swing, grapple, swing, rolling land, and jazz hands for comedic flare,

"What is going on inside that head of yours?" She shook her head at me, leaning on the ledge on the other side of a building,

"Hey, how did the exam go?" I ignore her question and head over to sit by her,

"Good, all A's," she made a smug face under her cowl, "did you ever doubt?"

"The amazing Batgirl? No, never," I said rather sarcastically, making her shove me by the arm as we both chuckled,

"But seriously, I can't wait to go to school with you next semester. Just like high school, I can bully the freshman with my sophomore power," she laughed,

"Yeah, you and all the people who know about me," I pulled my knees to my chest, staring off into the night sky. She sighed,

"Yeah, your scandals really outshine anything I could do to you," She rested her chin on her hand,

"Yeah..." I trialed off,

"Well," she lifted her head, making an optimistic approach, "think about this being a chance to have a new start at the social world. A chance to make people forget about your past."

"Maybe," I sighed, "or I'm forced to do all my school online because every time I enter a lecture hall somebody is watching the video of me and a brunette getting it on before class starts."

"That is also a possibility." She nodded, being more of a realistic instead of an optimist, "Let's just try to stick together, okay?"

"And if my infamy begins to affect you?"

"Nothing we haven't dealt with before," she held her arms, still leaning over the ledge that I was sitting on, "it isn't easy being your best friend. You know that right, boy wonder?"

"I know, awful, isn't it," I turned to look at her, her auburn hair flowing in the gentle breeze. She turned to me, a small genuine smile on her lips,

"It's not all bad." She leaned her head on my upper arm, "Not bad at all,"

I grimaced, looking down at my ringing phone, Barbara (Batgirl) looked as well, removing her head from me so she could look at my face,

"What's wrong, I thought you were practically in love with Zatanna?" Barbara saw my un-thrilled expression,

"I am- I am..." I quickly said, "It's just, we had a fight today, and-" Her expression dropped even before I was done talking,

"Oh, Robin, you didn't go sleeping around afterward, did you?" She knew me too well,

"I almost did, but I didn't go through with it. She stopped me before it got that far... I don't know, it was all so fast, yet every minute felt like hours..."

"Robin, you're making no sense right now,"

"I don't know, Batgirl, it's just, when she gets mad at me or we fight I start to feel worthless and I don't know, I just lose all self-respect,"

"I know how you are Robin," She sighed knowing all too well. 

It all started when I was growing up and Bruce started hitting me and screaming at me. I needed to feel in control, I needed to relieve the stress and rebel a little. 

 after a while, however, I stopped enjoying it and instead of something liberating it was punishing. It was this degrading thing. It was proving to myself that I would never be worthy of a genuine relationship and I was nothing more than my body and my pretty face. I got in the habit of indulging in my playboy antics when I overestimated my worth in someone's life. It was like a way of humbling myself, a way for me to remind myself that I would only ever be a body and there was no value for anyone to know my heart, soul, or mind.

Recently I started to lose control and it started to get even more dangerous and destructive. After Ivy, I started letting people do whatever to me and freezing up more, I gave up any idea that I had of control-

-and now I've become nauseous.

Barbara watched as I rushed to the corner of the rooftop and started vomiting my guts out on the ground,

"Shoot, Robin," She approached gently rubbing my back as I lost all the contents of my stomach. My phone rang for the third time but I was still hunched over when I saw Barbara answering my phone. I was too out of it to really try and stop her,

"Hello?" She answered, Zatanna knew I would be on patrol right now,

"Who is this?" I hear Zatanna through the phone,

"Batgirl, I'm with Robin right now. He can't come to the phone now,"

"Batgirl?" Zatanna raises her voice in shock, "Who's batgirl?"

"I-I I can't tell you?" Barbara questioned the question she was given,

"I didn't know that Batman had another partner," Zatanna said what she meant to say earlier but she had been too taken back to say it,

"He does- um, can I ask what you-" I suddenly began vomiting again while Barbara was speaking,

"Is that Robin?" Zatanna sighed, hearing me in the background puking, how endearing, she knows me by my vomiting,

"Yeah..." Barbara rubbed the back of her neck, "He's fine though, he's a tough guy," Barbara smacked me on the back while talking about me like I was a kid,

"Do I need to come get him?" Zatanna sighed again, now I was throwing up because it felt like she thought I was a burden,

"No- no, don't worry about it, I'll take care of him," Barabara shakes her head even though you can't see it through the phone,

"Oh," Was all Zatanna said, She's mad,

"Do you need something? Are you in any danger?" Barbara asked as nicely as she could trying to know why Zatanna called in the first place,

"No, I'm not in any danger, I'll ask someone else for help, don't worry," Zatanna retorted and I vomited yet again when she hung up without another word,

"Yikes," Barbara pulled the phone away from herself before pulling out a cloth for me to wipe my face.

 Once I got control of myself I wiped my face then pulled out a toothbrush and toothpaste, and finished it all off with mouthwash. Barbra watched me like I was crazy,

"Do you carry that around all the time because you throw up like constantly?"

"I don't like the taste of vomit in my mouth," I say testing my minty breath, "Wanna make out?"

"Robin!"

"Sorry,"