Stray kids angst oneshots

dieting /anorexia part one

Jisung never had a problem with his weight or with his appearance.
He ate normally and usually never checked the scale.

That was until he was sitting on the couch one day, munching on potato chips, and jeongin sat down next to him.

Jeongin was on his phone and jisung casually offered him some potato chips.

"Oh no thanks. I'm still on that diet." Jeongin politely declined, looking up and going back to his phone.

Well that explains why jeongin is so skinny. Thought jisung, checking out jeongins slim figure.

Their knees were next to each other, and  jisung couldn't help but compare them.

Jeongins leg is so much smaller then mine, how did I never notice this. Jisung then lost his appetite and put his potato chips down.

Later that night jisung was standing naked in the bathroom, before a shower, staring in the mirror.

Come to think of it, I do have thick thighs. And that waste is a little chubby. And wow I never realized I had a double chin.

Jisungs frowning face was reflected in the mirror as he judged any soft area he could find on his body.

I should lose weight. No, I need to lose weight. Jisung suddenly concluded.
Ok that's it, no more greasy food or extra snacks.

In the begining it really did start out as a 'healthy' diet. They all do.
Until a month had past, and jisung was back in front of the mirror.

How come I haven't lost any weight! Jisung frustratedly sighed.
He hopped on the scale and saw that he only lost half a kilogram.

That's it, fuck eating. I need to start water fasting asap. Jisung officially started his Ed journey that night.

"Jisung I didn't see you eat breakfast or lunch. Are you eating enough?" Minho asked him one day, after jisung had just come home from a run.

"Yeah, I ate just now, I bought food at the bakery and this morning my stomach was hurting so I didn't feel like eating." Jisung lied through his teeth.

"Hmm ok. Just make sure you're taking care of yourself." Minho eyeballed him suspiciously and jisung knew he had to be more sneaky and smart about this because Minho would be watching him.

Jisung was trying so hard to lose weight, he couldn't let anyone get in the way.
It was hard enough to have to deal with his own mind.

Everyday at least three times an hour, the topic of food would be on his mind.

He would always be planning his food consumption, doing math of how much calories he ate and how much he burned, and longing for food.

It was so so hard not to eat. Jisung didn't realize how comforting food was until he was starving 24/7.

Anytime he did eat something, his mind would scream at him, and he'd cower in guilt and shame.

He tried avoiding the hunger by distracting himself, and it worked to an extent, until he couldn't concentrate on anything, and he was getting dizzy.

Jisung was also pretty inconsistent when it comes to his eating patterns.
He would wake up in the morning and wonder: "what will it be today? 0.7 calories or 1400 calories?"

Sitting in the bus, he'd sometimes look down at his phone and see his reflection in the phone screen and he'd cringe at what he thought was a fat face.

And now jisung found himself in the middle of the night on the kitchen floor sitting next to the fridge with wrappers thrown around everywhere.

He was guzzling down a cup of cold soup, while his other hand was rummaging for anything in the fridge that he could eat to fill the gwawing hunger.

Leftover pasta, chocolate bars, blonde brownies, a scoop of grapes, a plate of rice, four peices of bread were now sitting in jisungs stomach.

He couldn't stop eating. nothing was enough to fill all that time he had gone restricting.

And even when he was full, he still opened a pack of chips, with tears prickling in his eyes.

An hour later he was kneeling in front of the toilet, purging everything he had consumed.

But throwing up doesn't take away all the food and jisung knew that he ate just now more then what he was eating every two weeks.

I RUINED MY PROGRESS I RUINED EVERYTHING. jisungs thoughts started spiraling. His forearms came up to his eyes and he wiped them slowly while letting out anguished sobs.

Why is it so fucking hard to not eat! I hate this I hate everything! I was so close to finishing my fast, so close to losing a significant amount.

He cried and cried. But no one heard him, everyone was asleep.
He rocked himself back and forth and promised to starve for three days to make up for this sinful binge.

A week had passed since that incident, and jisung was finding himself picking out big baggy clothes in the morning to wear.

Once I look skinny, I'll wear tons of cute outfits to show it off. Till then it's fucking embarrassing. Jisung decided.

It was six am, and jisung had gotten up extra early so that he could go on a run in the morning and burn off some pesky calories.

Minho, who slept in the lower bunk bed was asleep. Or so jisung assumed as he changed out of his pijamas.

Minho, who was a light sleeper, was woken up by the slight noise jisung was making and when he realized jisung was changing he quickly closed his eyes when it came to changing his pants.
He's not a perv.

But he couldn't help but take a peak when he saw jisungs bare back and chest as jisung stripped off his pajama shirt and picked out a good baggy sweater from the closet.

He gasped quietly when he saw what jisung looked like.