HoloAdvent (A Hololive fanfic) *Completed*

Chapter 14

The night didn't offer the calm I had hoped for. My nerves were on edge, especially with the presence of the person who had, for years, tried to ignore my existence. There was no way to prepare for this moment except to follow my instincts.

My father leaned against the balcony railing, gazing out at the small pond surrounded by tables where diners enjoyed their meals under the starlit sky. It had been a long time since I had seen him up close. Every detail of his face was visible—the bushiness of his eyebrows, his eyes directed to the influx of people below us in solemn silence, the gruff beard that had not been there years ago, now contributing to his rugged appearance. I recalled the roughness of his hands, how calloused they were on the day he held mine in a distant past. His neatly trimmed white hair gleamed in the darkness, almost distracting me from what he was about to say next.

"I... I'm not quite sure how to begin," he uttered in a manner just like how dogs sneezed and had that expression of disbelief afterward, his voice hesitant.

The weight of his prolonged ignorance pressed heavily upon me. Any relative in my position would feel a surge of frustration, demanding answers for his behavior. Just as Sarah had said, I should have felt content. I hadn't committed any wrongdoing. I had accepted that. Yet, whenever I caught my father's gaze, sensing the subtle shift in his demeanor around me, I felt as though I walked on fragile ice. The truth seemed warped in his presence. Countless ways existed to reaffirm that I had done nothing to warrant this treatment. People's affection can impact them deeply. I could absorb endless assurances from others, but perhaps, just perhaps, the affirmation I truly craved was from the very person standing before me.

Despite it all, I wanted him to accept me. 

"On the day of your birth-"

"I see you don't beat around the bush," I joked, attempting to lighten the atmosphere. "Considering it's your eldest son's birthday celebration, perhaps this isn't the ideal moment for such discussions?"

His countenance remained unchanged, his focus still on the people below us. "Your mother looked at you with such tenderness, just as I expected. She held you close, contemplating taking you with her to that place."

My smile faded as he reached this point, leaving me silent in response.

"In the past, I convinced myself that I was ready for anything that might challenge our family. I've faced numerous trials, overcome obstacles from every direction. Yet, this... this was something I should have prepared for, and I didn't handle it well." He looked at the stars, maybe there was a semblance of hope in there somewhere that mom would appear through them. "Her eyes looked at you with so much love and I failed to give that to you."

I rubbed my hands together, leaning on the railing like him. "Then, why?" 

He laughed in defeat, releasing out a long breath. "I'm not even sure if you'll believe what I'll tell you. Much less, accept it."

"Why does everything have to be so complicated between us?" I exclaimed. "There hasn't been a single day where Mom hasn't crossed my mind. While kids my age were playing with toys, I was..." I sighed deeply. "I was figuring out how to earn your forgiveness."

"Crill."

"And now, suddenly, you find it comfortable to say my name when you could have done so countless times before. Did you ever consider how tough it was for me to get through school without your support? I had to rely on what my brothers provided, and you never once showed up for parent-teacher conferences or family days. I thought I was the issue all along."