My Life Without Her

-Her-

"Ladies and gentleman, will you please welcome, the autor of the New York Times best-selling novel 'Angel', Eleanor Grey!" My publisher said as he raised his champagne glass, pointing towards me as I walked over to the side of the stage where the stairs were so I could get on stage

"Thanks Andy." I said as he nodded before walking off the stage, I gripped my champagne glass in one hand and the microphone in the other one as I started my speech "People ask me all the time what 'Angel' is about, and I always say the same thing," I said as I paced slowly from one side of the stage to another as I spoke "it's about me." I said with a slight shrug, earning a light chuckle from the crowd "It's about my last relationship and what I went through with my partner when I was in it." I added

"When I first started writing Angel, I never did it because I wanted people to read my story or because I wanted to give people an insight of myself. I just wrote it for the memories, because they were beautiful and a big part of who I am today." I said, releasing a shaky breath. Why was I so nervous? Was it because Lucas was in the crowd and listening to my every word? Maybe, it was a possibility.

"But thanks to my snoopy best friend, Dinah Williams, who is somewhere in the crowd," I said with a laugh as I glanced around and smiled once I caught sight of her "You all got the story that is Angel." I added with a smile "I remember the day she told me that she had sent it out to a publishing house; I was livid." I said as I shook my head with a smile "But I will always remember what she told me after I had finished ranting out to her; 'People need to hear this, they need to see this, feel this and experience it. Because it's a beautiful story; I wish I would've had something like it, because that kind of love only comes once in a lifetime'." I quoted and stopped to look at the ground with a soft smile before lifting my gaze again "And it really does." I added, which earned a clap from the crowd

"So I thank you all for being here today, it means a lot to me! You will all get in your gift bags a special edition of 'Angel', signed by yours truly." I added with a smile, earning a cheer from the crowd "And a few other things there as well, enjoy the party!" I said before waving and walking off the stage, immediately into Nate's arms

"You were amazing," he said as he kissed my head while wrapping his arms around me, enveloping me in a hug "as always." he cooed with a smirk as I giggled slightly before gripping onto his hand and walking over to the table where all our friends were.

"Are you trying yo give me heart attack?" Dinah exclaimed as she came over to me and hugged me "As soon as I heard you call my name, I nearly fell off the chair!" she said, huffing out a breath as I laughed "But your speech was amazing, though." she said with an excited smile

"Thanks, D." I said as I sat next to Nate with a clear view of Lucas in front of me, dear God.

"Is there going to be an afterparty?" Andrew asked excitedly and I shook my head

"Not tonight, Andy." I said and his smile faltered into a frown "The book tour's been crazy and I've been so tired! I only agreed to have this party because all of you would be here!" I said and he nodded "Maybe next time."

"Do you have anything stronger than champagne?" Dani's boyfriend, Jacob asked and I shook my head softly "My mate here looks like he needs one." he said as he patted Lucas' back, which caused him to blink rapidly and cough awkwardly before shaking his head

"I'm fine, just tired." he said, not meeting my gaze

"Are you sure? You looked sick a while ago." His friend Greg said, earning a slight glare from Lucas, which caused Greg to look away with a chuckle

"I'm fine," he snapped "I just need a cigarrette." he said before excusing himself to stand up, he made a beeline towards the balcony's door, swinging it open and stepping outside

"Do you think he's okay?" Dinah whispered into my ear and I shrugged softly so only she could see

"I don't know." I whispered before sighing and turning over to everyone, plasting a fake smile on my face "Anyone care to make a toast?" I said as I raised my champagne glass, Nate nodded as he stood up and smiled down at me, but all I could think of was Lucas.

******

"What's on your mind, babe?" Nate asked as we walked over to our apartment, hand in hand as I glanced up at the night sky. New York at night really was beautiful, the lights all around and the faint speck of stars in the sky that were barely noticible "You've been pretty quiet ever since we left the party."

"Just thinking," I breathed as I looked up at him and smiled softly "about a whole bunch of stuff." I added as I shook my head "But it's not important." I said and he shook his head as he stood in front of me and gripped my shoulders as he looked at me seriosuly, with a questioning look on his face

"Come on babe, I'm going to keep asking until you tell me." he joked and I smiled softly as I rested my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around him "What is it?" he asked and I shook my head, he laughed slightly "Is it that Lucas guy?" he asked with an eybrow raised, I looked at him with a confused look on my face

"How did you--"

"Dinah's not exactly the softest whisperer." he muttered and I laughed lightly as I shook my head "He's based off of the guy in your book right?" he asked, I merely nodded as I bit my lip

"Are you mad?" I asked and he scoffed

"Why?" he asked "Should I be?" he said with a smirk and I smacked his chest "I'm kidding."

"You're such a weirdo." I muttered and he wrapped his arms around my waist once again "But I love you anyway." I whispered and he kissed my head softly, his lips cold on my temple due to the New York weather "Is it weird?" I asked "Him being around?" I added and he shrugged

"It's weird imagining you and him together, but aside from that... it's you I should be worried about." he said and I frowned "You know, you never really got closure with him and he jsut suddenly pops up out of nowhere; it's quite heavy and a lot to take in." he shrugged "Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?" I laughed "How are you okay with this?" I whispered and he laughed as he shook his head

"It's called trusting my girlfriend, love." he said as he cupped my face and smiled down at me slightly "If we don't have trust, what do we have?" I smiled softly before stepping on my tippy-toes and grabbing his scarf as I pulled him closer to me, pressing his lips against mine.

Kissing Nate always felt amazing, he was so caring and sweet; he never rushed or was never rough. It really was magical; it always took my back to the first time we did. It was in time's square at New Year's Eve. All of us had decided to come down here on vacation to celebrate Christmas together and decided to stay for New Year's since the city felt so magical. The whole trip was. It's one I'll never forget.

"I love you so much." I whispered with my eyes closed as I pressed my forehead against his, I felt his chest vibrate with a chuckle

"I love you too, gorgeous."

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Picture of Chace Crawford as Nathan Hollis on the side.