My Life Without Her

-Him-

"You really need to stop sulking." Jacob said as he patted me on the back, staring out into the distance from the balcony we were both on, Eleanor and her boyfriend, or better yet, fiancé had already left a little while ago, I didn't say goodbye, ever since her speech I'd been out here, thinking. Reminiscing. "It's a real downer, mate." he said, sending me a sympathetic smile, I only shook my head and took a drag from my cigarette. Of course he wouldn't understand, no one did. "But hey, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

"I'd just like to be alone, thanks." I said softly, he nodded slightly but didn't move "Alone." I pressed and he chuckled lightly, nodding his head at me

"I understand, but your mouth says one thing, and your eyes say something else." he said and I scoffed slightly

"Please don't get all poetic on me, man." I muttered and he laughed lightly "What do you want me to say, huh?" I asked and he shrugged

"Anything, I can tell you're feeling something." he said lightly and I bit my lip, sighing internally "Tell me what you feel." I closed my eyes and sighed deeply

"I don't know what I feel." I muttered "One minute we were just talking as if nothing ever happened, and it was nice. It was like we'd forgotten what had happened between us, a clean slate, and it was great for a change." I said and he nodded "And then she said all those things in her speech, about that kind of love only coming once in a lifetime and all I can think about is how much I fucked things up." I said as I bit my lip "I fucked up big time, man."

"So fix it." he said with a lighthearted smile "It's simple."

"But it's not." I said "The only way to fix things is if she's mine again and I can't have that; her fiancé's a nice guy and she deserves someone like him. She's always deserved better than me."

"Says who?" he said with a laugh "You think that because you screwed things up she deserves better?" I nodded lightly and he scoffed as he shook his head "Mate, we all make mistakes; we all screw up!" he exclaimed, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, as if trying to knock some sense into me "You think all relationships are easy? No, mate!" he said, smacking the side of my head slightly "Are you mad?"

"I will be after you're done smacking me!" I said, loosening myself from his grip with a laugh as I pushed his shoulder playfully "What am I supposed to do?"

"I can't answer that, but don't give up on her just yet." he said, nudging my shoulder slightly "She seems like a great girl and I sure as hell wouldn't let her slip through my finger's again. Keep fighting, mate." he said as he shook me once again and then laughed "Don't lose hope."

*****

It was now about three days after the party and I was starting to feel a little better, the guys helped a lot too. Everytime they had the chance, they would send me out to get things, said that I needed fresh air and space to think. Which was code for 'I'm too damn lazy to get off my ass and do anything, but you can do it for me!' I didn't mind, though, getting out really did help.

They had now sent me out for coffee, I myself was craving the delicious hot liquid I was addicted to, so I went with no hesitation. Once I had given the barista my order, I settled for a booth in the corner as I waited; it was quite cloudy outside, but I liked New York like this, I hated hot weather, it was suffocating.

"Lucas?" A voice asked, startling me as I whipped around to face the person. Oh God, she looked so beautiful. Her hair was in a side braid, a burgundy coat on her shoulders with a skirt and tights with knee high socks and boots. Damn, I was a sucker for knee high socks, they were so fucking sexy "What are you doing here?" She asked with a smile as she came closer to the booth

"I wanted coffee." I murmured pathetically, she chuckled lightly "Please, sit." I said, motioning to the seat in front of me, she nodded gratefully with a smile as she sat down

"I feel like we haven't really had the chance to talk." She said as she clasped her hands together as I tried to control my ragged breaths "Catch up." She added "Something always comes up, doesn't it?" She said and I smiled tightly. God, she was so beautiful, even more beautiful than she was in high school, she had changed a lot physically, but she was still the same girl I fell in love with. "What?" She breathed with a smile and I shook my head

"You haven't changed." I whispered and she chuckled softly "Good." I added and she smiled

"You have." She whispered as she played with her bracelet on her wrist "A lot."

"Yeah, I had to." I said with a shrug "Life happened and everything wasn't as simple as before." She nodded slightly, but didn't really meet my gaze

"How've you been?" She asked "How's Avery?" She added and I smiled

"She's growing, that's for sure." I chuckled slightly "Every time I see her I swear she looks more like a woman." I said with a faint smile as I pulled out my wallet and grabbed her picture, handing it to her; she instantly smiled widely, which made my heart skip a beat

"She's beautiful." She breathed "How old is she now?" She asked and I smiled

"Thirteen." I said with a light wince "She looks exactly like mom." I said as I examined the picture intently with a smile "A spitting image."

"Where is she?" Eleanor asked and I sighed deeply "Is she not here with you?" She asked and I shook my head

"She's with my aunt Jess, but as soon as I graduate, she'll come back to me." I said, smiling at the thought "I'm her guardian now."

"W-What about your father?" She asked cautiously and I chuckled bitterly

"He's right where he belongs." I said "Rotting in jail." I added and she looked at me in shock "Fraud." I said and she nodded "He had it coming."

"Good, I'm glad, Luke." She said with a smile and I looked at her with a shocked expression "What?" She asked

"Y-You called me Luke." I stuttered, she blinked rapidly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with a soft smile

"What about you?" She asked, rapidly changing the subject which brought a smirk onto my lips; she was blushing. "How've you been?"

"Okay." I said with a shrug "It felt good to finally be rid of my father's torture for once." I breathed "But there was always something missing." I muttered "Or better yet, someone."

"Lucas..." She whispered and I shook my head

"You asked, I answered." I said "And I only answer truthfully." I said, standing up since my order had been ready a while ago "Excuse me." I said as I walked over to the counter and grabbed the coffees

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." She said as she glanced at her phone shooting me an apologetic smile "Maid of Honor duties and all." She added, smiling slightly "It was good talking to you, Luke." She said, her cheeks tinging pink ever-so-slightly "We should do this again sometime." She added as she swung her bag over her shoulder, I nodded slightly

"Yeah." I said "We should." She looked up at me and bit her lip as she wrapped her arms around my neck; it took me a couple seconds to react, but I wrapped my arms around her waist nonetheless. My God, she was hugging me! She smelled so good, I could drown in that scent if I could!

"I'll see you later?" She said as we pulled apart, the warmth of her body leaving mine. I nodded quickly

"See you later."

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Picture of Ian Somerhalder as Andrew Peterson.